The_CNI

Samurai · 920 points

1,580 points to Mentor

30 loglines
19 reviews

When a stranger from his criminal past visits his support group, an ex-sicario priest must protect the people in his new life by reawakening old demons.

May 3, 2022
A cowardly parking office accidentally locks himself in the trunk of his car on his wedding day, but when the car is stolen with him in it, he must escape and get to the altar before the thieves realise he’s there.

November 14, 2019
1

When his gay cruise ship is invaded by terrorists, a veteran turned drag queen must use his skills to take down the thugs and save the day.

April 28, 2019
When he falls in love with an alcoholic cop in rehab, a drug addicted mobster must keep his new love from discovering his mafia heritage in order to run away with her and escape his toxic family.

March 18, 2019
After he discovers who killed his mother while in rehab, the son of a Mafia Don must keep his brothers from discovering his forbidden relationship with a cop as they hatch a revenge plot against the rival gangsters who killed their mother.

March 4, 2019
After he is forced to go to rehab, the son of a Mafia Don gets into a relationship with an alcoholic cop and must keep her from finding out he is in the mafia while also keeping his relationship secret from the family.

February 23, 2019
Set in the year 1693: When they flee the Salem witch trials and end up in the land of the Wendigo, a naive Witch must use the dangerous power of the Black Flame in order to protect her and her sisters from ferocious demon.

December 30, 2018
Set in the year 1693: When they flee the Salem witch trials and end up in the land of the Wendigo, a naive Witch must use the dangerous power of the Black Flame in order to protect her and her sisters from the ferocious demon.

December 30, 2018
In a future where the average citizen is controlled by a master super-computer: when he accidentally steps into a time warp to 2019, a cyborg discovers murderous urges he never knew he had and goes on a killing spree.

December 24, 2018
Set in the year 2050: When he wakes up out of his coffin to discover that Transylvania has become an Orwellian fascist state, Count Dracula must lead a rebellion and take them down before they uncover his true identity.

October 27, 2018

on After robbing a casino in Vegas, A pair of prodigal biracial twin arrive in New York to start a new life but the trouble they lelf in Vegas didn’t stay in Vegas

There's no need to include that these twins are Biracial (not that they can't be Biracial, you can make them what you want) and I don't understand what is meant by them being "Prodigal". Nothing really tells me anything about…
on An alcoholic man’s life has changed when he goes into recovery when he becomes a teacher at a school he graduated from.

Things are very unclear, mostly with the inciting incident. What is it? Is it going into recovery or going to his old Ivy League? Also there's no need to include "Man" in the logline since you refer to him with…
on A couple race against time to track down a high school student who murdered their daughter.

Check out "formula" section for learning the correct Logline formula, because this doesn't fit the structure at all. There's other unanswered questions here. I know they use the police, but couldn't you find some way to make them more active?…
on When a desperate PTSD sufferer is sent to an experimental therapy centre, she finds herself fighting for her life against the twisted therapists who by prey on their patients’ worst fears to increase the adrenaline in their “meat” and satisfy their cannibalistic hunger.

A better way to word this would be: "When she is sent to new mental health facility, an emotional vulnerable woman must escape before she falls prey to the twisted cannibalistic therapists who use her worst fears against her". This…
on When the new couple in town, both ex-cons, are suspected of murdering a cop’s daughter, they set out to entrap who they believe is the real perpetrator – before the town’s mass hysteria turns violent.

I think there is more of a hook if you were to change it from a "Cops daughter" to someone more high ranking such as the daughter of the Mayor, Commissioner, respected rich landlord etc. Also this adds to the…
on When bank robbers and their hostages encounter a backwoods family, they are held captive for a sacrificial ritual, and must work together to escape before becoming human cattle.

For a future logline, you also need to answer the question of then what? What is meant by "human cattle"? Are they a backwards cannibal redneck family? Satanic cult? Been done many times, how is this different? The concept alone…
on When a deadly plague devastates the small village she’s passing, a cloistered sister, just out of the Abbey, hunts down clues to the seemingly magical affliction in order to discover who created the plague and save the town. ★ Accepted

I think it's mostly good, but as she is "passing" the town my question is what it is she has to gain? Is she assigned her first case by the Abbey to prove herself? Is it her hometown? Her native…
on After living as a hermit for many years, Lyn rediscover the world through the delivery of a mysterious object. He wonders why he is pushing this huge box. When he needs to understand what pushes him.

I agree mostly with Aidan except for the example logline they wrote. As per the formula, you start with the inciting incident. "After discovering a mysterious object..." etc. The other question is why? What is at stake? What pushes your…
on After an explosion opens a hole for demons to escape from Hell, the dweller of humanity, aka the devil’s son, goes to earth to run up the demons before Yahweh sends his armies to clean up the mess, sending every demons into oblivion along with the dweller, if he’s still there.

There are some questions that spawn from reading this logline. What explosion is this? Who caused it? Was it accidental? If so then you don't need to say that an explosion opened the portal, you can just say that the…
on A police officer kills a powerful alien, and many Earthlings are infested by another. The second alien leader and the officer’s future-timeline son hold grudges against the cop for murdering their dear ones.

Agreed with what Robb Ross said. Some things in this logline are not very clear. What is the inciting incident? Clearly the police officer killing the alien isn't. Also when you say many earthlings are infested by another? Do you…

Samurai