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Thanks guys for helping clarify the logline this was a lot of help.
Hi Nick
Yes the original draft of the logline is too bloated and I think DPG nailed the essence of the plot in his iteration.
The stakes at hand in addition to keeping their fathers dying wish is that the brothers don't want the CEO to exploit the loyal elderly viewers of the station by turning it into a shopping channel. If he does then the viewers will likely waist their pension money on items they don't need (a real problem with many elderly demographics by the way).
All this however is story that can be left out of the logline allowing it to deal with the action and goals which I hope make for an intriguing enough read to want to watch the show.
That said as you suggested this is an over the top comedy and the story elements I am bringing to it will hopefully only give it another layer of interest as a strong premise to hold the comic scenes.
I feel like you've overloading the logline with information that isn't super relevant, and it's kind of hiding what feels like a logic problem in the logline.
The CEO wants to turn the community TV station into a shopping network. I can understand his motivation there, if he thinks it's going to be more lucrative for him.
Destroying the community TV station's reputation doesn't feel like it's an appropriate action to take in response to this event, because it doesn't feel like it'd make any difference if the CEO is going to scrap the community programming anyway? Like, it'd only be an effective strategy if your antagonist was TRYING to amass viewers and improve ratings, and your characters were actively working against that.
I like the concept -- they have to make bad TV to destroy the station -- but it doesn't feel like the right response considering the event that's occurring to them.
That's story shit, I guess, and just my two cents. But if you're dead set on pushing forward with this version of the story, the logline is just too bloated.
Focus it on one brother enlisting the other's help, to communicate who your protagonist is and what the flaw (and likely theme) of the series is going to be.
Tacking 'to fulfill the father's dying wish' on the end doesn't raise the stakes ... just more questions. Because the wish hasn't been central to anything else in the logline, and I don't even know what it is. So I don't think that's helping you there. (The threat of unemployment is pretty high anyway -- and if this is a bit of a Young Ones/IT Crowd tonally -- the punk aesthetic and 'fuck you authority' sentiment kind of negates the need for such high stakes).
