Virtual Realty
A young, successful real estate entrepreneur discovers his entire life is controlled by a group of computer programmers.
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This is a situation not a story, the story would be what he does about it.
“When a successful real estate entrepreneur discovers his entire life is controlled by a group of computer programmers, he ___________”
Why are the computer programmers controlling his life? If you don’t want to tease that point in the logline, I would at least add an adjective or two to describe the programmers. Are they evil or what?
What you have now caught my attention, but, you’re lacking more intrigue, antagonism and the goal. You’re on the right track, yet halfway done. Revise it and nail it.