UNTITLED SHORT
shaanklePenpusher
When a passive psychiatrist?s patient discovers his secret ability to sense and absorb people?s mental distress, she pressures him to challenge his exploitative boss in order to pursue his dream of starting a nonprofit practice.
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As a short this works. You may want to outline the struggle prevent the success. You could be more concise in word choice, “convinced by a psychic patient…” May not be perfect but has enough detail to make the point.
Looking forward to see the rewrite.
I have reread your logline. Not sure who has the special powers.
Oh good catch! It indeed is unclear which person has the ability. FYI, the Psychiatrist has the abilities.
Hello, me too I’m confused about who has what – I think this need a rewrite before further analysis. (is it for a short or a feature?)
Why not go the whole nine yards in the role reversal?. Have the patient be the one with the empathy and emotional IQ that the psychiatrist lacks as well as the one who counsels the shrink to make a career move. (And maybe is get out of psychiatry altogether. Maybe the shrink is a square peg in round hole; his real calling, his deepest dream is to become a pastry chef, or a motorcycle mechanic, or an Elvis imitator.)
IOW the patient would make a better shrink than the shrink.
I am not sure I like the use of passive. It sounds like it is a style or technique. One story element you may have to be careful handle well is what I call “why not just call the cops”. This is when the obvious action would just end the story.
If he know what people are thinking and feeling. How does his boss manipulate him? Why wouldn’t he pull on the bosses emotional triggers?
Yea, I now realize that that is unclear. The psychiatrist is the one with the abilities. It?s a short!
The inciting incident (discovering the special power) of the main character (the Psychiatrist) happens to the ally (the patient) not the main character. This is a problem as the inciting incident needs to happen to the MC and motivate him to take action.
Why not as DPG suggested make the one who discovers the powers the one who possesses them this way they would be compelled to do something with them. Other wise the main action described in the logline is to convince the psychiatrist.
If not that then let the psychiatrist discover his own powers and need to deal with them.
Hope this helps.
Also agreed with Craig about the word “…passive…” for all intent and purposes you have literally described the MC as passive…
I’m a little confused as to who the hero is. 🙂
The movie is about the person doing the actions. Therefore this is really about the patient as it is told through her eyes. What is the goals and what would be standing in the way of success.?