A simple disagreement in a gas station results in a store manager being brutally murdered. A dubious employee can’t accept the official explanation and asks one too many questions, sparking a series of events that could ruin him completely.

by Jonathan Wynne · Penpusher · 80 pts 347 views

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5 reviews

Neer Shelter · Singularity · 39,985 pts ★ Accepted

Love your user name by the way...

This is too long and lacks detail. Why is the employee so adamant to find the killer? Is the employee a family member? What makes the murder personal for him? What's the end game for the employee? What MUST he achieve, or die trying, by the end of the story?

giannisggeorgiou · Samurai · 2,480 pts

What's the "official explanation?"

Try something like:
When her boss gets brutally murdered, a gas station clerk must ...?

Former member · Singularity · 114,968 pts

>>>sparking a series of events that could ruin him completely.

So, what does he do about it?? And what does "ruin" entail?? Is his life in mortal jeopardy?