Aidan Soguero

Penpusher · 210 points

90 points to Logliner

2 loglines
9 reviews

A social progressive born on the brink of twentieth century America struggles to form and maintain the ACLU throughout the World Wars while coming to terms with his own ethically dubious past

May 2, 2019
After blowing his investor’s money in one drunken night, a socially awkward college student struggles to produce a movie with no budget or risk being found out.

April 30, 2019

on After living as a hermit for many years, Lyn rediscover the world through the delivery of a mysterious object. He wonders why he is pushing this huge box. When he needs to understand what pushes him. ★ Accepted

Several technical errors: Your log line should never exceed one sentence unless the film plot is truly super complex. You should not include your main characters name, instead describe them. Your logline should follow a specific formula that encapsulates your…
on A suicidal mercenary sets out to rescue the girl he was hired to protect, the girl who gave him a reason to live, after she’s kidnapped for ransom.

Very interesting. I forget if it was here or on Reddit, but someone pointed out that Man on Fire is a good film to study in terms of logline since it essentially has two plots. The first half is him…
on The story of the radical writer John Reed, eye-witness to the Russian revolution, the only American to be buried in the Kremlin.

Very insightful. You're right, this parallels greatly with my current script about Roger Baldwin, and thinking in terms of the hook versus the plot could very well lead to more effective pitching.
on A young black Swedish girl arrives on Australian shores only to lose her new husband in an inexplicable farming accident Drawn to misfits, her new friends path to expunge their own demons help her to uncover how her husband died. But will that ease her demons?

While many elements of a good logline are included, you've included a lot of excess info that makes it sound more like a back of the DVD description. It's a good start, but try trimming it down a lot. i.e.…
on When a Texas cotton farmer’s land stops yielding crops, he teams up with an old friend to distribute VHS pornography tapes; leaving his family and slipping into a world of depravity and greed to become the undisputed King of Pornography in Texas. (1980)

The idea is solid. I'd be interested in seeing this movie. But it fails to have the necessary elements of a successful logline. For one, there's no conflict. There's a problem and he solves it. Whatever the main conflict is…
on After blowing his investor’s money in one drunken night, a socially awkward college student struggles to produce a movie with no budget or risk being found out.

My biggest issue with writing a logline for this film is that the first and second act both have a hook. This logline only covers the first act hook, which feels a little disingenuous to the scripts actual plot. A…
on A CSIS agent returns to duty to stop an eco-terrorist leader who’s missing his original face, and his followers who are in possession of the American government’s plans for the next 81 years.

While this isn't bad writing, it is not a successful logline in my opinion. You present our protagonist, and then you present some other aspects of our narrative world, but it lacks a clear plot. A CSIS agent returns to…
on Six people with minds unlike our own. Famous movie monsters, invisible twins, conspiracies, clones, a lizard-queen, and obliterating an entire race. What happens when the line between reality and fantasy becomes blurred?

You need an antagonistic force in a logline. This would be great for the back of a DVD or the description of a Netflix title, but it's not a logline. Ensemble scripts are difficult to write loglines for because generally…
on When an idealistic attorney discovers the man she freed from prison is a cold-blooded killer she chooses payback over ethics and mounts a stunning plan to put him back inside.

It's a little clunky, in my opinion. The general plot you're conveying is good, but changing various words I think will give you something more strong and succinct. "Cold-blooded killer" could be replaced with "guilty" for example. The use of…

A social progressive born on the brink of twentieth century America struggles to form and maintain the ACLU throughout the World Wars while coming to terms with his own ethically dubious past

After blowing his investor’s money in one drunken night, a socially awkward college student struggles to produce a movie with no budget or risk being found out.