B. Douglass

Penpusher · 35 points

265 points to Logliner

1 logline
1 review

After suffering a mental breakdown a depressed businessman attempts to rebuild his life with his estranged wife, but when he meets a carefree barista he begins to question what it takes to truly be happy.

February 21, 2013

on When a contract killer’s life is thrown into a tailspin by a mysterious woman and chaotic circumstances, he kills the wrong man. Now he has only a few hours to find out how his flawlessly calculated hit went wrong and fix it before the Mob can take it’s brutal revenge.

I think you have a good and compelling story here, but I feel like your logline is a bit too wordy. Try to narrow it down a bit. I don't think we need the mysterious woman, or the chaotic circumstances…

Penpusher