B. Douglass

Initiate · 35 points

65 points to Logliner

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on When a contract killer’s life is thrown into a tailspin by a mysterious woman and chaotic circumstances, he kills the wrong man. Now he has only a few hours to find out how his flawlessly calculated hit went wrong and fix it before the Mob can take it’s brutal revenge.

I think you have a good and compelling story here, but I feel like your logline is a bit too wordy. Try to narrow it down a bit. I don't think we need the mysterious woman, or the chaotic circumstances…