blossomingscripts

Penpusher · 180 points

120 points to Logliner

6 loglines
16 reviews

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July 24, 2015
A young woman from a conservative family background drops out of Harvard University and rises to fame as a performer in the porn industry.

July 15, 2015
After his girlfriend breaks up with him because he acts too “white,” a bookish African-American teenager seeks guidance from his estranged, drug-dealing older sister on how to reinvent his image and win back the love of his life.

July 11, 2015
Based on the true story of Jordan Belfort, from his rise to a wealthy stock-broker living the high life to his fall involving crime, corruption and the federal government.

July 7, 2015
A freewheeling Detroit cop pursuing a murder investigation finds himself dealing with the very different culture of Beverly Hills.

July 7, 2015
Protected: A studious

July 6, 2015

on When political and selfish interests become top priorities,other events are secondary including family and love.In a situation where love gets entangled in the midst of it,what happens?

I echo the sentiments above. Who is this about? That is a crucial component of any logline.
on sdfsndfdfklsjfkldsjfkldsj

The hero does have a dramatic goal -- to achieve fame. And the inciting incident is related to the goal. People with HPD are sexually provocative and crave attention. Breakups devastate them and often cause dramatic outbursts from them since…
on sdfsndfdfklsjfkldsjfkldsj

All things to think about. I appreciate all the feedback you provided me. Thanks
on sdfsndfdfklsjfkldsjfkldsj

Exactly how is it unclear?
on A young woman from a conservative family background drops out of Harvard University and rises to fame as a performer in the porn industry.

After a public and messy breakup with her longtime boyfriend, an Ivy League student displaying signs of Histrionic Personality Disorder drops out of school and pursues fame as a performer in the porn industry.
on A naive girl with a useless superhero power struggles to see if true love really exists.

Fairly vague. What's the useless superpower and how does it relate to her difficulty in finding true love?
on In an apocalyptic winter filled with zombies, Juliet is on a rampage to kill Romeo at all costs.

First off....I think it would be beneficial for your logline to hint at the reasoning behind Juliet wanting to kill Romeo. How do zombies factor into the story? Is Romeo one? Romeo and Juliet are lovers in almost every iteration…
on A young woman from a conservative family background drops out of Harvard University and rises to fame as a performer in the porn industry.

Thanks. All valid thoughts. What about: "A bashful young woman from a conservative family background drops out of Harvard University and rises to fame as a performer in the porn industry."
on A recently divorced doctor and an entrepreneur facing an existential crisis, form an unlikely partnership and take the help of earthly wizards to overcome the trials of life.

I agree with the other comment. Your logline doesn't hint at any plot, and is overall very vague. Who are these wizards? What does this unlikely partnership result in? Some type of road trip or something? What happens in this…
on After his girlfriend breaks up with him because he acts too “white,” a bookish African-American teenager seeks guidance from his estranged, drug-dealing older sister on how to reinvent his image and win back the love of his life.

appreciate all the feedback!

Penpusher