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After a space piracy witness and two cops are publicly murdered, the Senior Investigator must escape from the murderer and solve the piracy case before his family or more cops are killed
After a space piracy witness - this is jumbled.? Simplify. What about the investigator would make me want to care? Who (villain) or what is standing in the way of the main character? What makes this story unique?
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An aging Krav Maga instructor reluctantly teams up with his estranged bounty hunter daughter to hunt down the man who raped and killed his wife.
The above is good. Protag flaw not in, but effective.? Would change the above to: After his wife is brutally raped and murdered, an aging martial arts instructor seeks redemption with the help of the daughter he abandoned years ago,…
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An aging Krav Maga instructor reluctantly teams up with his estranged bounty hunter daughter to hunt down the man who raped and killed his wife.
Krav? Maga? It's karate but you have to identify for the reader what it is.? What's the risk to the hero? Good start.
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Cutting ties with society, a overconfident young man embarks on a soul-searching solo hike into the canadian wilderness. He comes to the humble realization of his own inexperience as hostile weather sets in. To make matters worse, he runs into a girl stuck in a similar situation camped only a few yards away. As they reluctantly join forces to survive the storm, they swallow their pride and come to the humbling conclusion that perhaps they aren’t as mature, independent or unique as they thought, and that maybe soul searching ventures aren’t as grandiose or successful as books led them to believe. (Short Film)
Way, way, way too long. As above 101 words. Use the above 'Formula' direction or search online for samples, many sites have them.
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“Mamie Marchbanks, seventeen and oh so sassy, is a performer. She performs with circuses, Mexican travelling players and Mack Sennett, but her father and his bounty hunter are in pursuit.”
No hook as to why she's running.? Don't use names. And like above Mexican Traveling Players clarify what they are??? What kind of performer? Biggest need is why is she running .? Who is the antagonist? Might be tied to…
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Rework: When an Australian find of Nazi-confiscated, priceless coins is stolen in a double murder, a Police Detective must solve another forty year old crime to find the culprit.
The protagonist's goal, the conflict, who's the antagonist. What is at stake if he fails?
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After falling pregnant on a one night stand, a woman forms a unique bond with her child’s dying paternal grandmother.
Nothing to hook read. No conflict, or what the hero wants.? So missing conflict and goal.
