Marcello Lanfranchi

Penpusher · 220 points

80 points to Logliner

2 loglines
12 reviews

An arrogant, popular high school homophobe, plagued by a series of bizarre electrical mishaps, struggles to overcome what he believes is a curse and, after he discovers a conspiracy that threatens their town, must work with gay and lesbian teen witches who despise him. [One-hour primetime series, Veronica Mars meets Charmed]

July 8, 2016
An arrogant, popular high school bully discovers — but can’t control — strengthening-yet-unpredictable powers and is branded an outcast which compels him to work with a coven of gay and lesbian teen witches to uncover a conspiracy that threatens their town.

July 5, 2016

on When a nice holiday cruise turns bloody, a detective and failed parent must take down the threat and regain his self-worth.

Are the detective and failed parent the same person? I assume so, because you'd have phrased it as *a* failed parent if they're two different people. I'd also specify whether it's a police detective, PI, federal investigator, or some other…
on Using stolen prediction software a cocksure hacker makes a fortune in sports bets, but when it predicts his death within three days, he must find out how he dies without dying in the process.

Do you mean "cheat his *way* through life"?
on A bipolar divorcee blackmails a self-absorbed family man to keep their affair alive and reignite her sex drive when he suddenly disowns her.

Just one suggestion: "after he disowns her," not "when."
on When his grades slip too much for regular coursework to fix, an impulsive prankster must complete community service without incident at a strict military school to graduate junior high with his best friends.

If this is an absurdist comedy, I don't think the implausible premise would be a hindrance. If it is such a farce, I suggest writing it in a way that makes it clear.
on A bookstore owner must re-live his father’s murder, stay alive, and protect his friends when the murderer escapes from an asylum transfer.

By "relive," do you mean he has to experience the murder from his father's perspective?
on An amateur actress at a haunted house attraction struggles with her decision to stay at the job she loves while trying to get over a guy who isn’t easy to get over..

Is "ladykiller" a term people still use? I like it, but I wonder if people might think you're referring to a murderer as opposed to a player.
on Using stolen prediction software a cocksure hacker makes a fortune in sports bets, but when it predicts his death within three days, he must find out how he dies without dying in the process.

I'm just copyediting.A cocksure hacker steals Determinism , an advanced simulation programme that predicts future events. Initially using it for self-gain, he soon discovers that, unless he can change his own fate, he'll be murdered in three days.
on An opera singer suffering from throat cancer lands in a gig with drug addict and very strict musician who would always push her to sing aloud.

Make sure you have your loglines proofread before letting anyone see them. Usually, one lands a gig, not in a gig. Is the drug addict and musician the same person? It's not clear. "with *a* drug addict and very strict…
on A successful, careless and drug addict DJ falls in love with a female singer who is about to get married with one of club owner where DJ works.

Make sure you have your loglines proofread before letting anyone see them. "...about to get married with one of club owner..." About to get married *to* one of *the* club *owners*?
on When people in town start disappearing, a young orphan woman, searching for her parents is attacked by an alien, she discovers her father’s true origins may not be from earth.

How did the alien attack her? Physically, verbally, her character, her ethics...? Is there any interaction between her and the alien after that? If so, maybe something that clues us in to the nature of their relationship would be good.…

Marcello Lanfranchi

An arrogant, popular high school bully discovers — but can’t control — strengthening-yet-unpredictable powers and is branded an outcast which compels him to work with a coven of gay and lesbian teen witches to uncover a conspiracy that threatens their town.

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