Claude McIver

Penpusher · 245 points

55 points to Logliner

4 loglines
20 reviews

After residents of a small town are quarantine by the military, the adult male residents begin to show signs of pregnancy – with something that might not be human.

May 16, 2014
A bullied teenage boy from Dallas reluctantly agrees to a camping trip with his estranged father in West Texas and is magically transported back to the 1890s, where he meets his great great grandfather and helps protect his family farm from murderous cowboys.

May 16, 2014
A SWAT team is lured into a high tech death trap by a genius villain who is also disguised amongst them.

May 16, 2014
A narcissistic womanizer finds the tables turned when a curse makes him irresistible to men. And the only cure may be consummating a gay marriage.

May 16, 2014

on A promising young writer finds her perfect story in a guy who struggles to find some sense in his own life, she will have to decide who gets the happy ending: her career or herself.

Yeah you should emphasize the irony more. What kind of writer is she? It could be an interesting angle if she is a biographer, or trying to break in, and scores an assignment to write the biography of, say, the…
on A SWAT team is lured into a high tech death trap by a genius villain who is also disguised amongst them.

Any logline is going to leave the reader with questions. The point is do the questions make them want to read the script/watch the film to find the answer, or do the answers (by virtue of the questions) seem uninteresting…
on A SWAT team is lured into a high tech death trap by a genius villain who is also disguised amongst them.

Yes, as we know the rule in Hollywood is "something familiar but different" (and the Usual Suspects is almost 20 years old at this point, more than fair game.) With this angle, I would pitch it as The Usual Suspects…
on Learning his wife may have survived a deadly inter-planetary war, a devoted husband’s fight to find her becomes inspiration for one last stand against human extinction.

Ditto what was said above. The "fight to find her" could be expanded into the actual 1st goal/plan of the protag. For instance, maybe he is an engineer and builds a ship that can go to the alien world or…
on A bullied teenage boy from Dallas reluctantly agrees to a camping trip with his estranged father in West Texas and is magically transported back to the 1890s, where he meets his great great grandfather and helps protect his family farm from murderous cowboys.

Relationships are two way streets. The idea is that the boy doesn't want to repair the relationship. He's pissed and resentful (and a teenager) and he just wants to get through the camping weekend as fast as possible so he…
on After majority of the towns population is mysteriously turned into Zombies, a video game and comic book loving slacker is forced to fight for his life, when he ventures out to the shopping center to retrieve a video game that he pre-ordered a week before the outbreak.

The general idea is interesting but the logline has too many details. I would only include the shopping mall if that's the main location (i.e. he gets trapped there for most of the story). Then you could try: "A die…
on A SWAT team is lured into a high tech death trap by a genius villain who is also disguised amongst them.

The inciting incident is the team being called to the trap (a warehouse with hidden high tech traps). The why, I think, is irrelevant at the logline level, as it's likely the least interesting thing. One touchstone film for this…
on A SWAT team is lured into a high tech death trap by a genius villain who is also disguised amongst them.

I updated the logline to bring the villain into focus.
on A bullied teenage boy from Dallas reluctantly agrees to a camping trip with his estranged father in West Texas and is magically transported back to the 1890s, where he meets his great great grandfather and helps protect his family farm from murderous cowboys.

Jim/dpg, the idea is that the boy has character growth from his adventures in the past but also connects to his family history which puts him in a position to repair his relationship with his father. (for instance, maybe the…
on A SWAT team is lured into a high tech death trap by a genius villain who is also disguised amongst them.

I picture this something like Expendables meets Cube. Meaning, I see more of an assemble cast than having specific leads. But that's also probably a cop out ;) Like Cube, there isn't a justifiable reason per se that they are…