-
on
After a deadly contagion takes his wife & daughter, a special forces operative must infiltrate the very military base he was once stationed to find the cure & exact his revenge.
let's see if I got it right this time ....
-
on
After a deadly contagion takes his wife & daughter, a special forces operative must infiltrate the very military base he was once stationed to find the cure & exact his revenge.
Would it make more sense to do something like this: A disillusioned special forces operative abandons his military career only to be forced into action again when a deadly outbreak reeks of government conspiracy & threatens his family.
-
on
After a deadly contagion takes his wife & daughter, a special forces operative must infiltrate the very military base he was once stationed to find the cure & exact his revenge.
I'm sorry all .... I tried to edit the last one -- but it wouldn't allow me ... Anyway, I appreciate all the feedback and am doing my best to adjust & get things right!
-
on
After a special forces operative witnesses experiments on soldiers & prisoners, he abandons a promising military career & returns to the quiet life. But when a deadly outbreak reeks of government conspiracy & threatens his family, he jumps into the fight to expose the culprits & track down the cure.
I guess I am going to have to start a new one on this -- it won't let me edit anymore -- just opens up a new submission form. I do value all of this feedback!!!! And am working diligently…
-
on
In wartime, a farm girl and her sister join a new women’s baseball league but when they are put on different teams, sibling rivalries are played out in a game for the championship.
I do believe one of the flaws of the above posted line is the girls are not actually put on different teams, later in the story, the younger sister chooses to move to a different team (if I remember correctly.…
-
on
After a special forces operative witnesses experiments on soldiers & prisoners, he abandons a promising military career & returns to the quiet life. But when a deadly outbreak reeks of government conspiracy & threatens his family, he jumps into the fight to expose the culprits & track down the cure.
New one posted! Please comment!
-
on
After a special forces operative witnesses experiments on soldiers & prisoners, he abandons a promising military career & returns to the quiet life. But when a deadly outbreak reeks of government conspiracy & threatens his family, he jumps into the fight to expose the culprits & track down the cure.
Posting revised logline as a review -- also edited the original above ... covering all my bases ... When an unstable contagion is accidentally unleashed causing a world-wide epidemic, an investment banker fighting to survive must deal with the intense…
-
on
After a special forces operative witnesses experiments on soldiers & prisoners, he abandons a promising military career & returns to the quiet life. But when a deadly outbreak reeks of government conspiracy & threatens his family, he jumps into the fight to expose the culprits & track down the cure.
OK I edited the original above, but also wanted to post the 'new' one here ... hoping you all notice the 'new' one ... When an unstable contagion is accidentally unleashed causing a world-wide epidemic, an investment banker fighting to…
-
on
After a special forces operative witnesses experiments on soldiers & prisoners, he abandons a promising military career & returns to the quiet life. But when a deadly outbreak reeks of government conspiracy & threatens his family, he jumps into the fight to expose the culprits & track down the cure.
This is so great. Thank you. Going back to drawing board ... with this feedback!
-
on
After a special forces operative witnesses experiments on soldiers & prisoners, he abandons a promising military career & returns to the quiet life. But when a deadly outbreak reeks of government conspiracy & threatens his family, he jumps into the fight to expose the culprits & track down the cure.
Really excellent feedback. Thank you. Yes, I read probably 50 articles/posts on loglines ... I'll keep trying. Am I allowed to submit a revision or just post it as a new one?
