DylanK

Logliner · 360 points

170 points to Samurai

2 loglines
18 reviews

I.E.D is a dramatic thriller about an environmental engineer taken hostage and forced to pilot a car rigged with explosives across country. Now he must escape his captor before this rolling bomb reaches it’s destination – transcontinental oil pipeline.

June 9, 2016
A teenage girl’s life is thrown into chaos when her father dies and her social worker demands a bribe to keep her out of foster care.

June 6, 2016

on When a prison gate is accidentally left open, a young female inmate must find a way to get to the gate and get her chance at freedom.

For me the main thing missing is the ticking clock. I understand that it's implied because this is a prison and no gate would remain unlocked for long. ?But as stated above that raises it's own problems. ?Just as dpg…
on When her billionaire grandfather refuses to pay her ransom, heiress Billie Ross recruits her kidnapper to rob the family’s casino

I've taken a look at all your posted pitches. ?And as I noted before, each has a clear cool premise. ?And each lacks the conflict. ?I note this here as this one is the closest to having conflict. ?Tightwad Grandfather,…
on EDITED: Desperate to save their TV show from cancellation, two feuding co-stars, an aging actress and a troubled younger actor, enter a fabricated public romance to boost ratings

I quite like this. ?It feels like a cool rom-com. ?As is, this would get my read. But if you want to make it truly excellent you'll need to introduce?conflict ?This has a solid premise. ?What it doesn't tell me…
on When Air Force One and a large passenger plane’s engines fail, the hacker responsible informs one of the secret service agents that he has two hours before each plane crashes to either assassinate the President or let his wife and child die on the other plane.

I see a problem with the core concept. ?If the hacker can make the engines of Air Force One?fail, why doesn't he just crash the plane? ?Why bother with the secret service agent at all. I'm sure you'll deal with…
on When a man is cut into two symmetrical halves completed with mechanical prosthesis, the two sides fight each other to become a full person again.

Fun for sure. ?But it's odd they'd be fighting... to get together. ?Reunification is most easily achieved through cooperation so... ?If they were fighting for the majority of the body, that I would get. This feels like Jet Li's "the…
on A web of tragic events unfold when a love-starved atomic scientist allows herself to be seduced by a personable but moody lesbian teen whom she suspects of being a spy.

Is this film really about the danger?being seduced by?a spy puts you in? ?Or is it about the emotional toll of betrayal? ?If it's about a spy, then it's a Thriller. ?If it's about the emotional toll, then Drama. As…
on Home Invasion – A brilliant engineer and his family get trapped in their home when his highly sophisticated, prototype security device goes rogue.

This one's tough. ?It's a good idea. ?A cool monster in the box. ?And a nice dose of irony. But to really hook us we need that impending danger. ?The security system is?going to kill them.?There's something that's keeping it…
on When a gang member triumphs murder charges in his grandson’s death several times, a retired mob boss declares war against a young and powerful gang leader for control over the city’s corrupt legal system.

Dpg nailed it.
on a terminally ill man sets out to take revenge on people from his past. But to his frustration they are dying before he can get to them.

This feels solid to me. ?I smiled when I read it. ?It's clearly a dark comedy. ?I get that, being terminally ill, he can now do all the things to his enemies?he's always wanted to. ? ?And the terrible frustration…
on An interstellar hitman is forced together with an intrepid, young archeologist in a race against a ruthless mercenary group to find the legendary fortune of an ancient civilization. ★ Accepted

I saw the earlier post, and original log line, so I know?you've done a ton of development on this. ?With both this new version, and the previous version it feels like you have a lot going on in the story.…

I.E.D is a dramatic thriller about an environmental engineer taken hostage and forced to pilot a car rigged with explosives across country. Now he must escape his captor before this rolling bomb reaches it’s destination – transcontinental oil pipeline.

A teenage girl’s life is thrown into chaos when her father dies and her social worker demands a bribe to keep her out of foster care.