fredsoffa

Penpusher · 95 points

205 points to Logliner

1 logline
5 reviews

In the near future, the next pandemic divides the world into two pods: the safe – Positives, and the dangerous – Negatives. The Positives can’t get infected from each other, but can from an infected Negative. The Positives enjoy all the glories of life, the Negatives none. Some Negatives pose and cross over to live as Positives. At the penalty of death. This is their story

August 1, 2020

on In a future where winners are conceived using genetic engineering, a born loser buys the identity of a winner on the black market so he can fulfill his lifelong dream of space travel.

Probably worth writing. Seems rather a low aspiration though - if you're a winner now you would want a better mate, riches, power, and space travel. Otherwise, just make a boat load of money and you can go nowadays.
on A self-made millionaire uses his ill-gotten fortune to win back his long lost love who has married into ‘old money’ and respectability.

and then? this is awesome, just it's half the logline. Don't give away the ending, but you have to describe at least some conflict. Otherwise, so what, he has ill-begotten gains, but his new old beau is a swindler too,…
on When a prominent Savannah, Georgia citizen is accused of murdering his male lover, a rude New York reporter must find out what really happened by interviewing the local residents who would prefer to hide the truth under a façade of money, booze, and lovely manners.

Not bad! Certainly enough for a story is there. If you got a professional review, they would say never lead with the place. Here the driving force is the reporter so lead with that. When a grizzled NY reporter is…
on When an ill girl appears to be cured by his master, an young monk needs to fight his lust to keep on his enlightment path.

Not too many movies are sustained by lust. Have you seen Naked? It's lust - but broadly stroked. This seems rather narrow. No mention of love, what does the first sentence have to do with anything anyway? Wouldn't he be…
on When en entomologist is trapped by local villagers, he must find a way out of the sand pit if he is to gain his freedom. – Woman in Dunes

Okay, thinking this needs more if you're going to sustain a feature. Either the villages just decide to kill him, or he is able to get out easily. Or not easily. But he needs more than just his freedom to…