Frugal Writer

Penpusher · 240 points

60 points to Logliner

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16 reviews

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on After his wife commits adultery , a proud South African farmer feels ostracized by his community and forms a codependent relationship with a French anarchistic cult couple that eventually turn violent on him and his family, but his fight for survival comes at tragic cost and he is confronted by the depths of his shame.

When an ostracized farmer teams up with two strangers, his impulsive actions threaten his farm as he is drawn into a destructive killing spree in a small rural community.
on An adventurous wheelchair-bound woman drags her hyper-cautious cousin and friends into the outback to test off-road wheelchairs, but they encounter killer kangaroos with a taste for human flesh.

I like the killer kangaroo twist. This is in essence a 'Monster In the House' film (per Blake Snyder's genres). You nailed two of the three essential ingredients: a house and a supernatural monster. Your house is the outback and…
on When a policeman is murdered by a bikie gang, a disguised woman tries to dispose of the body, but she must convince the drug addicted pilot of her crashed plane, to hide the body before they can be rescued.

Not sure what is the inciting incident - the one thing that starts the story. Is it the murder of the policeman? The woman disposing the body? Or the woman convincing the pilot to hide a body? After that is…
on An art forgery expert is set on an involuntary adventure that promises to solve an old crime and reveal the secret of her vanished family, all this after a mysterious man delivers an unusual package to her apartment.

Seems like the story is the following: After a forger receives irrefutable evidence from an anonymous source implicating her in her husband's murder, she is forced to copy one more masterpiece, while searching for husband's real murderer.
on On the eve of his gay uncle’s anniversary dinner, Marcus must again struggle with alcohol and the impact it continues to have on the family.

Why now? What's his goal? Why is it going to be difficult to achieve? No need for first names, "an alcoholic" is a better description for the MC, unless Marcus is someone we know.
on After tipping off police to his brother’s latest heist, a torn man must struggle to escape the consequences while keeping the loot; but when his brother is released on bail, he must learn where his true loyalty lies before losing the people most dear to him.

46 words is bit wordy for a story that is in essence: After turning in his brother to the police, an informant tries to keep the loot and hide from his bailed-out brother. (22 words)
on When a jilted bachelorette seeking revenge accidentally hits a pedestrian, she refuses to forget her schemes, despite the fact the pedestrian is actually herself

Something seems to be implied in this logline that is missing. "When a woman hits herself in an auto accident" implies a hook of some kind but it is unclear and missing context, which leads to confusion. Plus an MC…
on “When an upper-class rebel is suddenly disinherited by his fed-up father, he struggles to win his father’s approval in order to have his inheritance restored, but his plans derail when he is forcibly drafted to fight in the second US civil war.”

Good points about the two-headed logline. A suggestion that has helped me: backstory is the breeding ground for a good character flaw. Consider splitting out one the inciting incidents as backstory (probably the disinherited part). Boil it down to a…
on In a world run by machines, a timid young woman – holding a vital secret – must regain her ability to speak before everything she loves is destroyed.

I like the brevity of the logline. But I have a few questions. What does the setting "world run by machines" have to do with story? This is not clear. Also, I assume the woman getting the the secret is…
on A penniless single father takes a night job monitoring the cities CCTV, but fears he is losing his sanity when strange apparitions begin appearing on the monitors before him.

Not sure of the MC goal. What is he doing in Act II? Also why label the MC as a father ? With no mention of any family in the logline wouldn't the term 'penniless man' be OK?