Gabe

Penpusher · 160 points

140 points to Logliner

5 loglines
9 reviews

When a village wizard is kidnapped by his power hungry brother, his accident-prone niece must learn to trust her abilities and save her uncle, before his energy is used to release a malevolent power.

September 3, 2017
After the world’s military is wiped out by an advanced inter-dimensional civilisation, a group of mis-fit ex-marines must put their differences aside and work together to save humanity from their alien overlords.

August 28, 2017
This is an idea I’ve had for a while for a short film: After a depressed alien calls into a radio show and threatens to destroy the city, the host, a suicidal middle aged woman, must talk down the alien and prevent mass destruction.

August 9, 2017
When a portal to hell mysteriously opens, an inexperienced mage born of the hellish dimension, is the only one who can close it and bring peace to the kingdom.

July 30, 2017
After an asteroid hits the earth and wipes out half the planet, a scientist must find a way to keep humanity from freezing to death by harnessing the earth’s core.

July 30, 2017

on When a village wizard is kidnapped by his power hungry brother, his accident-prone niece must learn to trust her abilities and save her uncle, before his energy is used to release a malevolent power.

Thanks guys, that makes sense I.e to focus on the external action in the logline. Cheers. Dpg, I agree I definitely think 'malevolent' is vague, but I'm using it because I'm not sure how I can signify the entity without…
on After the world’s military is wiped out by an advanced inter-dimensional civilisation, a group of mis-fit ex-marines must put their differences aside and work together to save humanity from their alien overlords.

Thanks for all the feedback really appreciate it, guys!
on When a wretched teenage Jewish boy in Auschwitz camp realizes his infatuation with Hitler’s daughter since their encounter in his village, by sneaking in her villa he stands to confess his love and induce her to save the Jews escape from the Germans.

Perhaps Hitler's daughter ?falls in love with him? That would make for an inciting incident , where the protagonist could leverage her love to help save the Jews. The growing tension would be he has a lover in the camps…
on When a gunman suffering PTSD takes a first year class hostage, two trainee teachers work together to calm both the terrorfied children and the crazed gunman.

Inciting Incident: The inciting incident seems quite ambiguous. The logline begins by stating that two?teenagers have been taken hostage, but the rest of the logline?implies that more students have also been taken hostage. Is it a class, a group of…
on Thanks!

I think there are way too many moving parts, perhaps too many for a logline. ?As a result, number 1 seems to be missing an inciting incident, but the action doesn't seem to connect with the goal/consequence. For 2. there…
on A father, convinced his young daughter has inherited his terrifying ability to commune with evil spirits, must find the man who disabled his ability, to reawaken it.

I think it's a really interesting concept, ?but I believe there should be a stronger causal link between the inciting incident, action and outcome. But in saying that, the inciting incident isn't quite clear. In my opinion the father losing…
on After an asteroid hits the earth and wipes out half the planet, a scientist must find a way to keep humanity from freezing to death by harnessing the earth’s core.

Hey guys, I really appreciate the feedback and the time giving it. In terms of the story actually working , that's something I prefer to figure out while I'm writing the synopsis and delving into research, although I do appreciate…
on After an asteroid hits the earth and wipes out half the planet, a scientist must find a way to keep humanity from freezing to death by harnessing the earth’s core.

That's wonderful to hear. Thank you for your feedback :)
on When a portal to hell mysteriously opens, an inexperienced mage born of the hellish dimension, is the only one who can close it and bring peace to the kingdom.

Many thanks for your feedback. 'An inciting incident should be an event which directly affects the protagonist, something that upends the character's life and forever changes their status quo, forcing them from inaction into proactively pursuing their objective goal.' I…