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Inorder to Save and Marry his Indian Girlfriend who is getting arranged Married, An American Highschool teacher is being tricked by his Indian Student and Colleagues plans & Kidnaps his Girlfriend from her Strict Cultural Family
The flow is disjointed in several places and many words have been unnecessarily capitalised. Having the twist of being tricked mid sentence could be amplified if it went closer to the end, thus building intrigue. A possible edit could be:…
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When an adventurous lone hunter is lost to the river gorges, chasing a mysterious man or beast known as the Bunyip, his grieving family and friends must pick up the pieces and discover the truth about his disappearance.
Edit: When an adventurous lone hunter, chasing an elusive man or beast, locally known as the Bunyip, is tragically lost to the river gorges, his grieving family and friends must pick up the pieces and discover the truth about his…
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After a series of volcanic explosions and earthquakes unleashes the ‘Shaadowars’, a race of monsters born from the depths of the world. The human race who inhabits the world has waged a brutal war for survival. An Australian Knight unsuspectingly teams up with a young Aboriginal boy who has the key to ending the devastating war and drag the world back from darkness.
Yes there are knights in Australia... sadly enough. The current Prime Minister brought the archaic system back last year and we now have several knights and dames chosen solely by him... one of which isn't actually in Australia! sigh... there's…
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When a Chicago shootout is witnessed by two wily male musicians they must travel by train disguised as show girls to evade capture.
'male musicians' sounds a bit clunky and is only tempered a little when reading on. I am trying to think of an alternative way that you could say that they are men... perhaps: "When two men witness a Chicago shootout,…
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When an over-curious hunter tragically disappears, the local townsfolk begin unravelling the legend of a fearsome predator stalking the rugged gorges of the River.
Is this too brief? Or should it read: When an over-curious hunter tragically disappears, the local townsfolk begin unravelling the legend of a fearsome predator stalking the rugged gorges of the River, the consequences of which test mateship, loyalty and…
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When a mysterious predator “disappears” an over-curious bushwalker, the legend of the River Country reawakens, and his friends find themselves tangled in the complex web of the town’s dark past, testing relationships, mateship, loyalty and true love.
Lol... mysterious... right, hereby eliminated! Complex web... dark past... gone! Phew! Here goes...
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For years, something has lurked in the rugged gorges of the river country, Australia; terrifying, injuring or killing those who venture too deep, but when one man manages to escape with his life, he sets off a dramatic chain of events that will ultimately reveal the hidden truth.
Many thanks to FFF, dpg and Nir Shelter. All your comments have been taken on board. I see what you mean... I think... I have a difficult aspect of my story in that I am trying to lead the reader…
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When two unlucky brothers are unable to pay off their dead father’s debt, they must fight against the Irish Mafia and the corrupt policemen who control the streets of Boston to protect their lives and take down the oldest organized crime group in the United States.
One suggested alternative without knowing the story, based on Nir's comments: When two brothers miss the deadline to pay off their dead father's debt, they must fight against the Irish Mafia plus corrupt police who control the streets of Boston…
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An inexperienced yet aspiring screenwriter, with an industry record of absolute failure in logline creation must defeat his greatest adversary, himself, and surpass with his last entry the infallible scrutiny of the top tier, professional reviewers of the “Logline.it!” website’s as “A million dollars for The Perfect Logline Contest” deadline draws to a close in one minute.
Love it. A little long winded and requiring some punctuation to make it read more smoothly, but otherwise it managed to draw out a real lol and a broad grin. Keep up the good work.
