ifrost

Penpusher · 130 points

170 points to Logliner

2 loglines
7 reviews

A prominent businessman must play with an insane kidnapper a 20 questions game to find and save his wife.

May 19, 2013
Unfaithful man tries to enamor again his wife, who loses her memory in an accident while driving to the divorce case.

May 15, 2013

on After his father gives him a job at their small-town newspaper, a conceited journalist buried in debt investigates a sports drug scandal that implicates his athlete brother.

I think that is a question for logline's author. Personally, I prefer moral dilemmas, and I would twist this story that way: Poor journalist gets the time of his life investigating a huge drug scandal but when he discovers his…
on After his father gives him a job at their small-town newspaper, a conceited journalist buried in debt investigates a sports drug scandal that implicates his athlete brother.

>>>>That's enough as motivation for me. >>But is it enough for the audience? It would be great to know the answer :) >>Conceit is a good enough to kick start the story. But? >>Will the audience be satisfied with mere…
on After his father gives him a job at their small-town newspaper, a conceited journalist buried in debt investigates a sports drug scandal that implicates his athlete brother.

He is a journalist, so curiosity is in his blood. That's enough as motivation for me. However, you are right that motivation is still not clear. Discovering that brother is implicated in drug scandal is an important plot point. I…
on A mother’s confession tells a young man that he has an older brother, but this older brother is in a gang; the young man must find a way into his brother’s heart while breaking the hold the gang has over the older brother.

Nice rewrite. It exposes more about motivation ("...or lose his brother's love forever"). However, it sounds a little naive - the younger brother knows nothing about the older one. The older brother may know about the younger, but I can't…
on After his father gives him a job at their small-town newspaper, a conceited journalist buried in debt investigates a sports drug scandal that implicates his athlete brother.

Correct me if I'm wrong. I see "buried in debt" and "conceited" as two strongly connected elements to create conflict situation. Hero is "buried in debt", so he needs to work. He investigates scandal that implicates his brother, so making…
on Unfaithful man tries to enamor again his wife, who loses her memory in an accident while driving to the divorce case.

Tony - it's a comedy. You are right. I think that this concept is not much original. Today I found "The Vow" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1606389/) with almost the same premise :/ nicholasandrewhalls - Protagonist cheated once and it was a mistake he…
on The death of their child prompts a grieving couple to perform a ritual that brings her back to life, but a violation of the ritual’s rules has horrific consequences for the couples friends and family.

I like it but also I agree with comments above. To fix problems I suggest describing what exactly "horrific consequences" are. Child turned into a monster? Or maybe they need to sacrifice and kill another family member? Choose something -…

A prominent businessman must play with an insane kidnapper a 20 questions game to find and save his wife.

Unfaithful man tries to enamor again his wife, who loses her memory in an accident while driving to the divorce case.