jamesmichael

Samurai · 1,890 points

610 points to Mentor

63 loglines
52 reviews

Discovering that her estranged father has stolen a map to Neverland, an independent rouge agrees to deliver it to a banished Captain Hook, battling against Peter Pan and his Lost Boys in the process.

July 9, 2014
When a governmental Space Station gets taken by a terrorist organisation, its headstrong Chief Architect must escape upon learning that the terrorists have also kidnapped her disabled husband back on earth.

August 17, 2013
When a government Space station is taken over by a terrorist organisation, its paper pushing engineer must escape to help protect both his wife and national security

April 4, 2013
Three southern women defend their home from the Union army while their husbands are off fighting in the Civil War.

January 27, 2013
A woman recalls her close relationship with her famous novelist father while struggling to overcome her fear of emotional involvement with her first real boyfriend.

January 27, 2013
When three friends go missing on a camping trip in a forest rumored to be haunted, the two left behind discover clues that lead them to a safe deposit box containing video tapes? showing exactly what happened to their friends.

January 27, 2013
A Mossad employed father and his CIA agent son team up to hunt an escaped Nazi.

January 27, 2013
When alien crafts land around the world, a linguistics expert is recruited by the military to determine whether they come in peace or are a threat. As she learns to communicate with the aliens, she begins experiencing vivid flashbacks that become the key to unlocking the greater mystery about the true purpose of their visit.

January 27, 2013
As a young man, Ted Geisel meets his future wife Helen, who encourages his fanciful drawings, and in the 1950s when Ted is struggling professionally, Helen helps inspire the children’s book that will become his first big hit, “The Cat in the Hat.

January 27, 2013
On the day of the NFL Draft, Bills General Manager Sonny Weaver has the opportunity to save football in Buffalo when he trades for the number one pick. He must quickly decide what he’s willing to sacrifice in pursuit of perfection as the lines between his personal and professional life become blurred.

January 27, 2013

on Discovering that her estranged father has stolen a map to Neverland, an independent rouge agrees to deliver it to a banished Captain Hook, battling against Peter Pan and his Lost Boys in the process.

Great suggestions Richiev I honestly didnt even think of it from that point of view but that definately makes sense. The basic premise is that she gets blackmailed into it by Hook but changes sides mid-way through the script. Obviosuly…
on Discovering that her estranged father has stolen a map to Neverland, an independent rouge agrees to deliver it to a banished Captain Hook, battling against Peter Pan and his Lost Boys in the process.

New Version - When an independent teen discovers that her estranged father has stolen a map to Neverland she agrees to deliver it to a banished Captain Hook, battling Peter Pan and his Lost Boys in the process
on A group of people spends weekend in a cottage where they lost one friend ten years ago but they don’t know that two of them have been in a secret relationship and it was that accident that had brought them together.

DPG (in all his briefness) is 100% correct. You've given us zero story here. Really what you've provided is the first 15 pages of the script summurised into 41 words. I mean what is this about? Is it a horror…
on The lives of three teenage girls competing for their shot in the spotlight are put in danger when a horribly disfigured man living beneath the stage claims them as his lovers.

Ok so this is a pretty good start but I think it could still do with some changes. You have the protagonist (good) their goal (good) and the obstacle (also really good). What you really need to do though is…
on When a governmental Space Station gets taken by a terrorist organisation, its headstrong Chief Architect must escape upon learning that the terrorists have also kidnapped her disabled husband back on earth.

Thanks guys, all interesting points. Ive already planned and written over half of it so i dont think ill be making any of these extremely drastic changes that youve suggested. But they're all still good to have on the back…
on When a governmental Space Station gets taken by a terrorist organisation, its headstrong Chief Architect must escape upon learning that the terrorists have also kidnapped her disabled husband back on earth.

Thanks guys. You both bring up some interesting points. I think my main problem is that that third act takes place off the station and back on Earth. I may have to think about changing this. Or if not, give…
on When a governmental Space Station gets taken by a terrorist organisation, its headstrong Chief Architect must escape upon learning that the terrorists have also kidnapped her disabled husband back on earth.

Hey Richiev, That kind of is what happens hah. She doesnt manage to escape until the end of the second Act. This is after she tries to escape and avoid the terrorists while also hindering their plans. Becuase I wanted…
on In the city of the future, a young man takes on a series of mind-bending, gladiatorial games to win back the woman he loves. If he dies, she suffers; but to survive, he’ll have to break the city’s only rule.

I really like this idea. I think it would benefit though if you change the way it's written, only slighty. A logline is about making the story as clear as possible. To do this I suggest writing it as a…
on When an ex UN officer turned professional election fixer working to ensure victory for a brutal dictator is scapegoated by his latest client, he uses every dirty trick he knows to try and win power for a little-known rebel group that not only promises freedom for their people – but payback for him.

This isnt bad, the structure is all right but there's way to must info being thrown at the reader. Firstly, take the second line "working to ensure victory for a brutal dictator is scapegoated by his latest client" and condense…
on A group of high school kids discover how to time travel, but fail to recognize the potential consequences.

This is "Situation over Story." If we did the same thing for 'Back to the Future' we'd get almost the exact same logline.