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When looking for something to do on a dull Friday night, 5 friends find a radioactive rock in the woods, which could grant them anything for a limited amount of time. Now, they must protect the rock and themselves from the government.
I agree with NB ... omit "On another boring Friday night". Good observation NB!
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When the overbearing family of a recently deceased young woman refuses to acknowledge her undocumented funeral wishes, her lackadaisical boyfriend must dig up the body in the middle of the night and embark on an odyssey to give her the burial she wanted, finally learning to fully appreciate her along the way.
Better yet - omit the "near" death since that just defeats the purpose of making it suspenseful. A listless teenager digs up his deceased girlfriend's body to properly respect her burial wishes after her terrorizing hauntings make him welcome death."…
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When the overbearing family of a recently deceased young woman refuses to acknowledge her undocumented funeral wishes, her lackadaisical boyfriend must dig up the body in the middle of the night and embark on an odyssey to give her the burial she wanted, finally learning to fully appreciate her along the way.
How's this? (This isn't even my logline haha): A listless teenager digs up his deceased girlfriend's body to properly respect her burial wishes after her terrorizing hauntings bring him to near death.?
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A whistle blowing scientist is forced back into service by the military when her own top-secret anti-gravitational experiment goes awry.
I like it, but took me a few times to read it and digest. So let's try cleaning it up to give it the immediate punch you'll need when using it as your pitch. "A top-secret government experiment goes awry,…
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When the overbearing family of a recently deceased young woman refuses to acknowledge her undocumented funeral wishes, her lackadaisical boyfriend must dig up the body in the middle of the night and embark on an odyssey to give her the burial she wanted, finally learning to fully appreciate her along the way.
Your rewrite is better in size and context! Here's my suggestion on clean up: Troy decides to dig up his deceased girlfriend's body to properly respect her burial wishes after her terrorizing hauntings bring him to near death.? I'm not…
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When the overbearing family of a recently deceased young woman refuses to acknowledge her undocumented funeral wishes, her lackadaisical boyfriend must dig up the body in the middle of the night and embark on an odyssey to give her the burial she wanted, finally learning to fully appreciate her along the way.
This was prior to your rewrite so I'll opine on it, too. But here are my thoughts on your first submission. This sounds sick! Haha Let's give some constructive criticism to help mold it into a better formatted logline. Troy…
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When looking for something to do on a dull Friday night, 5 friends find a radioactive rock in the woods, which could grant them anything for a limited amount of time. Now, they must protect the rock and themselves from the government.
I posted a reply earlier, but for some reason it didn't do it. So I'm trying to remember what I wrote. I love this idea because it can go in any direction your wild imagination will allow. Here's a clean…
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A self-absorbed teenager, who joins a Special Species Government Organisation, has to protect a rare tiger from a relentless, reptilian poacher.
Why is a tiger in danger from a reptilian poacher? I would think a turtle, snake, or lizard ... or you can change the poacher into an infamous game hunter.
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When an underprivileged Pakistani boy is murdered by his richer and more influential counterpart, his friends set on a journey to seek justice in a corrupt world designed to protect those in power. But is it justice they seek or revenge?
For some reason my placeholders for (NAME) were omitted because I used brackets: "Based on the true story of (NAME), a young atty, ...."
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When an underprivileged Pakistani boy is murdered by his richer and more influential counterpart, his friends set on a journey to seek justice in a corrupt world designed to protect those in power. But is it justice they seek or revenge?
Question - if the lawyer is trying to "seek justice" in court system, then isn't that in a way "revenge" since he's connected to the victim? Also, I would omit the "inspiring" and leave it at "Based on the true…
