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A socially deprived, true crime obsessed man becomes infatuated with a Jane Doe case, and documents his pathetic attempt at inserting himself in her story by solving the case.
A socially deprived, true crime obsessed man becomes infatuated with a Jane Doe case, and documents his pathetic attempt at inserting himself in her story by solving the case. Great main character in that he has both a flaw and…
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[EDIT] A sheltered American teen, kidnapped by a Bangkok crime lord, is groomed first as his protégé, then as his bride — but when she discovers he was her late mother’s secret lover, she uses his methods to destroy him and seize his empire.
This version of your logline is stronger, but read the methodology of this site again (the "Formula" section above) and use "When" to open with the major event, to clearly signal the story's structure. While the em dash before "but…
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After stealing millions from a ruthless Las Vegas casino empire, two estranged biracial twin brothers flee back to New York hoping to rebuild their lives, only to discover their parents are dead, their childhood home is gone, and the violent syndicate they betrayed is hunting them through a city that no longer has a place for them.
This is a situation; not a story. You have the first sequence of an 8-sequence feature. How will they cope with the situation? What is/are the goal/s that will drive this film? And how do the twins differ in character?…
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After stealing millions from a ruthless Las Vegas casino empire, two estranged biracial twin brothers flee back to New York hoping to rebuild their lives, only to discover their parents are dead, their childhood home is gone, and the violent syndicate they betrayed is hunting them through a city that no longer has a place for them.
This is a situation; not a story. You have the first sequence of an 8-sequence feature. How will they cope with the situation? What is the goal that will drive this film? And how do the twins differ in character?…
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Logline: After killing each other in a muddy ravine on Guadalcanal, a Japanese soldier and an American Marine awaken as unwillingly tethered ghosts and spend decades protecting the grandson born from their families’ impossible union—bickering across wars, cultures, and generations as they search for redemption and peace. Genre: Primary: Historical Fantasy Drama Secondary: War Drama / Supernatural Family Saga
★ Accepted
This is a fresh and highly dramatic premise. Excellent! The two protagonists makes it complex, but not impossible. The structure works: two protagonists, a catalyst, an action, a conflict, a theme. But "unwillingly tethered" is a little clunky as an…
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When the Sheriff of Sweetwater, Mars stumbles on a plan to destroy the town to make room for an illegal worm farm, he and his friends have to defend the town from destruction by a megalomaniac Soybean Magnate.
★ Accepted
The structure works: we know who, what's at stake, who's against him, and what he has to do. Where it gets clunky: "destroy" and "destruction" come back three times in close range, and "destruction by a megalomaniac Soybean Magnate" is…
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An American teen is kidnapped by a Bangkok crime lord, who grooms her first as his protégé and then as his bride. But when she discovers he was her late mother’s his secret lover, she uses his methods to destroy him and seize his empire.
The logline runs 54 words across two sentences, which works quite well for the longer-logline shape with a Mid Point Reversal, where "But when" marks the MPR turn. I would even consider rolling it into one sentence. But that's personal…
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What’s wrong with these loglines? I can only view three at a time
For some it's solved by using a different browser. Alternatively, log in and you'll see the full stream.
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A billionaire gathers seven eccentric minds on an island to save democracy… the plan seemed to have limits, until it no longer did.
There's in intriguing hook in there, but I'm missing some critical elements. Check the notes elsewhere on this site to improve your logline: https://loglineit.com/howto
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In a world where mystical creatures harness extraordinary powers, a graceful crane finds herself at the heart of a perilous mystery. When she lays an unusually small egg infused with potent magic, she must uncover its hidden potential to save not only her own life but also the love she shares with a powerful anaconda. Caught between his insatiable hunger and his deep affection for the crane, the anaconda grapples with consuming desires that threaten to unravel their romance and plunge them into darkness.”
It's 84 words, which is excessive, even for Logline It, where we are VERY lenient with word count! Try trimming this down to half, by eliminating non-essential words. "In a world where mystical creatures harness extraordinary powers" is unnecessary as…
