Lachlan Huddy

No loglines yet.

• on When a grieving medic with deadly powers resists induction into the horsemen of the apocalypse, she must battle the remaining three in order to save the world.

  Hey Nicholas. That's great, then, and I congratulate you because I think that's the best concept I've read about on this site and one of the coolest stories I've heard about in ages. However you decide to run with the…

• on When a grieving medic with deadly powers resists induction into the horsemen of the apocalypse, she must battle the remaining three in order to save the world.

  Sorry to muddy the waters, but I have to disagree about the premise. The logline certainly works, but what hooked me about the original was that she was being pressured by a group of (also superpowered, I'm assuming) fundamentalists. This,…

• on When a Newly recruited police officer discovers that his younger sister is a serial killer, he does everything to keep anyone from finding out.

  First, the technical: change "Newly recruited" to "newly-recruited" and kill "that" since it's not really necessary and you want to omit needless words. Regarding "he does everything to keep anyone from finding out", I'm not sure about it. It's clunky…

• on When Charles Aden, hotshot real estate attorney, is sent by his development firm to investigate the disappearance of Sam Carey, a key player in a lucrative real estate deal, it is business as usual. But when Charles discovers Sam’s dead, frozen body along with disturbing evidence that ties his firm to the murder, he realizes that his assignment is anything but routine. Charles Aden hunts a big city killer who hides his crimes in the snow-covered secrets of Almiiitey-Maine’s smallest small town.

  Definitely not a logline. More of a mini-synopsis. This needs serious trimming, and the way to do that is to skin it to the bone. So, we've got Charles as the protagonist. We've got the discovery of the body as…

• on When the FBI is implicated in a Mafia murder with two weeks to trial, a by-the-book female agent must go rogue to protect the only witness, an esteemed professor and alleged former hitman that she can’t trust — and can’t help falling in love with.

  For me this is too opaque. In what way is the FBI implicated in the Mafia murder? Do you mean that it looks as if someone in the FBI is in bed with the mob and this is what spurs…

• on When a teenage hitchhiker under the protection of an obsessed tracker is kidnapped by the same pack of werewolves he is hunting, his only chance to resuce her requires him to suppress his hatred and form an alliance with a rival pack.

  Nitpicks out of the way first: I think "teenage" in this context should be "teenaged" - but not completely sure. "Recuse", obviously, needs to be "rescue". "Chance to rescue" would better-serve the line as "chance of rescuing", but that's personal…

• on An international smuggling maverick risks everything on an project that could catapult him into the big leagues, if his competition doesn’t catch up with him first..

  I agree; more specificity with regard to the specifics of the job is paramount, particularly considering that this sounds like a wonderfully nuts-and-bolts caper film with lots of authentic (and specific) logistical detail. You could possibly sacrifice the "catapult him…

• on A secret ill-fated love between a Native-American man and young impressionable Irish woman is torn apart by a grave murder and an ever impending civil rising. ★ Accepted

  The bedrock concept has been done to death but I think the execution - a Native American man and an Irish woman, in Ireland around the time of the uprising - gives it enough freshness to make this worthwhile. Technically…

• on Back in his small hometown, a famous psychiatrist turned writer has to challenge his beliefs and rationality while struggling with his past demons when he’s asked to work with a patient and his long lost friend, Tracy who’s charged with murder but claims that her friend time-traveled.

  Whoa, bit of an info-dump here. I sympathise with the desire to get as much across as possible but I think for the sake of clarity and brevity you could lose some length without losing impact. How important is the…

• on After witnessing her parents slaughter, Aewyn escapes the castle grounds to find her fathers allies and take back her kingdom and saving her people.

  On a technical level, this could be shorter; you could leave out the part about escaping the castle grounds and skip straight to finding her father's allies. And please, you must must must guard against errors. In this context "parents"…