Lotcher

Wordsmith · 565 points

1,935 points to Mentor

4 loglines
36 reviews

3 followers

A divorcé redirects his self-hatred upon the very private investigator he had paid to spy on his ex after discovering their newly established relationship.

September 25, 2022
Living storybook characters must rewrite their bookended existence before every night upon suspecting their owner, ever-growing Evelyn, may one day shelve their illustrative livelihood.

September 7, 2022
An over-ambitious aspiring author must focus significant time on long neglected relationships to improve his mental wellbeing all whilst struggling to meet self-imposed deadlines for his debut novel.

September 5, 2022
An uninventive children’s author, whose supposed dreams have long been documented in his bedside journal by a mysterious ghostwriter, wakes up to a shockingly blank journal upon the release of his debut novel.

April 10, 2021

on In this crisp horror comedy set in India, Rajeev, a hearing-impaired Indian boy, stumbles upon a supernatural hearing aid that lets him eavesdrop on anyone, including spirits. With the help of Ayesha, a ghostly singer, they navigate a world of madness, confusion, spooky elements, and comedy, while evading a Pakistani spy determined to snatch the hearing aid.

Hi Tosbro, Right off the bat, a face value analysis of your pitch will quickly find prevalence of unconventional logline qualities that need to be identified before they are subsequently addressed. Firstly, the inclusion of character names are, for the…
on A woman tries to engage with her dysfunctional biological family after she learns that her late loving and caring mother abducted her as a baby.

Hmm... Well it seems you have identified a compelling theme with, "is blood thicker than water?" being the dramatic question of your story. As far as the logline is concerned I would double down on pitching that core aspect of…
on A disgraced cop, offered the chance to regain custody of his son unearths a hidden layer of secrets of those involved within and outside the law when he must catch a serial killer before more children die.

I like the idea of your story but felt the logline could do with a bit more work. Here's a rewrite for your consideration. Use it as your own if it suits your story. "Despite risk of becoming the scapegoat…
on A strict, mean and no nonsense man in his mid thirties must learn compassion after he realises he has just 12 hours left to live.

Hi Eta, Logline formula is usually made up of the following components: [Protagonist] + [Inciting Incident] + [Action/Goal] + [Antagonist and/or Antagonistic Force]. So far your logline when broken down into its fundamentals appears as such: Protagonist: "A strict, mean…
on A woman tries to engage with her dysfunctional biological family after she learns that her late loving and caring mother abducted her as a baby.

I think the, "hoping to get assistance with her medical issues," bit sounds a little bit vauge and it makes the protagonist's actions come off as a bit passive. (She "hopes" being the main culprit of making her goal sound…
on A woman tries to engage with her dysfunctional biological family after she learns that her late loving and caring mother abducted her as a baby.

I like the premise but I feel like the logline might benefit by having the inciting incident (or so I assume) occur at the start of the logline. Here's an alternate logline for you consideration: "With the revelation that her…
on A divorcé redirects his self-hatred upon the very private investigator he had paid to spy on his ex after discovering their newly established relationship.

Original logline: "Having paid a man to “look after” his ex-wife, an abusive divorcee seeks revenge upon discovering the very private investigator he hired has begun a secret relationship with her."
on A divorcé redirects his self-hatred upon the very private investigator he had paid to spy on his ex after discovering their newly established relationship.

Hi NisVinten, The idea of the story is based on a tragic protagonist who cannot live for himself after breaking up with his ex. Whilst the story has a lot to do with the events as I've tried best to…
on A divorcé redirects his self-hatred upon the very private investigator he had paid to spy on his ex after discovering their newly established relationship.

Gave it some thought and I went back to your original revision and came up with this: "A divorcee redirects his self-hatred upon the very private investigator he had paid to spy on his ex after discovering their newly established…
on A divorcé redirects his self-hatred upon the very private investigator he had paid to spy on his ex after discovering their newly established relationship.

In attempt to get the word count down to 25 words I've revised this to: "After discovering a romance has begun, a self-hating divorcee reigns vendetta against the private investigator he simply had paid to spy on his ex." I…

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