mulford sibly

Penpusher · 110 points

190 points to Logliner

1 logline
7 reviews

A self-centered race car mechanic must infiltrate a large corporate sponsor to learn the truth about her grandfather’s death.

May 28, 2013

on (Historical biopic) about the true stories of Susan B. Anthony & Elizabeth Cady Stanton and how they personally and politically changed the world! However they both kept one secret hidden from each other and themselves which led to inner personal disaster.

I would like to see why they had a strong desire to cause change. Were they victims of discrimination themselves? Did they suffer humiliation at the polling place, and in the legal system? Did they run into verbal and physical…
on A self-centered race car mechanic must infiltrate a large corporate sponsor to learn the truth about her grandfather’s death.

Thank you for mentioning Hitchcock. He said that mystery does not generate emotion in an audience. At the end of Act II in my story, the hero figures out that several deaths are collateral damage, not random failures or accidents.…
on A hedonistic med student unwillingly becomes a single father, but when he discovers the newborn is not even biologically his, he’s faced with a difficult decision- dad or doctor?

I like a hedonistic med student facing a difficult decision. I would like to see the goal of his quest: best life for the newborn? med student clearing his reputation? avoiding financial responsibility? I still need a little help understanding…
on When Air Force One crashes, a journalist discovers a cover up after gaining access to the plane’s black box data and must unravel the mystery.

The logline is effective because it makes it easy to visualize a surprised and scared journalist. A three dimensional journalist, with conflicts and a character flaw, would add interest. We feel sympathy for him, and cheer for him, but need…
on In a world where sadness is punishable by death, and the broken-hearted must gather in secret, a singer of melancholy songs struggles to incarnate the true love he’s found in his dreams in order to escape the oppression of his waking life.

I love a struggle against the Thought Police. Please give us a clue about the true love, what she does, will she betray him. any moral weakness in either main character would add a dimension of humanity and interest.
on Abandoned by his platoon, a patriotic soldier befriends a young Muslim girl and must choose between protecting her or helping his team eradicate her village.

Patriotic soldier is a goody-two-shoes. If he has a character flaw or moral weakness, we may find sympathy and decide to turn the page.
on A disgruntled, older woman sets out to erase all signs of her recently deceased husband, but when his ghost shows up, she discovers a truth that changes everything.

"seems to whisper Louise." Please give us a clue of what she wants, and why he opposes it. My heroine dumps her control freak fianc

A self-centered race car mechanic must infiltrate a large corporate sponsor to learn the truth about her grandfather’s death.