nicolesigaud

Penpusher · 200 points

100 points to Logliner

7 loglines
4 reviews

(6th revision- w/o typo) After performing a flawed mummification, a child must atone for shirking human souls from the Earth Spirit; after much suffering, he rises as Anubis, the judge of the dead.

October 9, 2019
(6th revision) After performing a flowed mummification, a child must atone for shirking human souls from the Earth Spirit; after much suffering, he rises as Anubis, the judge of the dead.

October 9, 2019
(5th revision) A half-wolf child causes a corpse to awake, thus disgracing his genie tutor; his redemption happens by learning about the human soul and becoming Anubis, the god of the dead.

October 8, 2019
(4th revision) 3000 BC: a hybrid child, despised by the world, is adopted by a genie; causing his stepfater’s damnation, he must redeem himself and become the god of the dead, Anubis.

October 6, 2019
During the Egyptian Unification War, a hybrid must fulfill his destiny; but when a corpse awakes, he must discover the human soul to become the god of the dead Anubis.

October 6, 2019
After being cast out from a pack of wolves, an hybrid child is educated by a Djinn, to become the Egyptian god of the Dead Anubis.

October 6, 2019
A monster for wolves and humans, a child is risen by a Djinn to become the god of the dead in Ancient Egypt.

October 4, 2019

on A disgraced winemaker sets out to exact revenge on the farmer he thinks sold him poisoned grapes.

I did not see the inciting incident, meaning what triggered his revenge. I think parts of the first version could be used with this one to improve it.
on An assassin with a split personality is hired to protect a client who, unknowingly, his other personality has been hired to kill.

Very good logline. Congratulations!
on When a video game character gains sentience, she’s horrified to see she spends her life dying and suffering at the hands of humans, and searches for other sentient characters to launch the rebellion against the players. — Title: Non Player-able Character

What happens to the MC to make her realise she is a character?
on (4th revision) A vigilante hacker spies on a power-hungry corporation as they confirm reality itself can be manipulated like computer code, and finds herself in a race with them to leverage this power and stop them from controlling the world.

Hello, first there is a word missing here: "can manipulated" should be "can be manipulated". The only thing I could suggest is to divide the sentence in two. As for the slugline itself, I like the idea. It sounds great,…