Stauber

Logliner · 385 points

145 points to Samurai

3 loglines
22 reviews

Two recusant boys have 36 hours to reach the historic return of the first spacecraft to contact alien life after their plan to surreptitiously view it in a friends dorm is obstructed by the boarding schools strictly enforced orthodox precepts.

May 15, 2017
Three indoctrinated codependent boys flee their orthodox commune determined to reach the launch of the final ship to leave the decaying earth.

May 12, 2017
In a near future three close but troubled small-town boys journey alone cross country seeking hope and meaning within a crumbling society exposing them to the realisation that their days as children and lifelong companions may be drawing to an end.

April 17, 2016

on A dark past. The distant future. A journey into chaos and redemption

This is a tagline, not a log line sorry.
on Two recusant boys have 36 hours to reach the historic return of the first spacecraft to contact alien life after their plan to surreptitiously view it in a friends dorm is obstructed by the boarding schools strictly enforced orthodox precepts.

People don't usually go a long journey to disprove something they believe in. It ain't natural as they say. They would simply live in denial until someone or something made them see things differently. That was exactly my issue with…
on Two recusant boys have 36 hours to reach the historic return of the first spacecraft to contact alien life after their plan to surreptitiously view it in a friends dorm is obstructed by the boarding schools strictly enforced orthodox precepts.

Thanks heaps Foxtrot, i've been trying to be parsimonious with the logline and reduce it to the basics, but - as I am sure you know - when you revise and think about it repeatedly, it can become a blur.…
on After a space piracy witness and two cops are publicly murdered, the Senior Investigator must escape from the murderer and solve the piracy case before his family or more cops are killed ★ Accepted

Investigating a case of space piracy in which two cops were murdered, a Senior Investigator becomes the next target and must solve the crime before its too late?
on When they plot to kill each other the following day, a white supremacist and a black racist rather wake up in each other’s body and must team up and solve the problem or get killed by their gang members. ★ Accepted

A?white supremacist and black gang member wake up in the others body and must figure out a way to work together before their gangs turn on them?
on To avenge his mentor’s murder, a former assassin realizes he’s the hunted, setup to achieve their end he must fight his own disenchantment to destroy them before they destroy a founding principle of the country.

I actually think this is actually a step back from the edit Foxtrot25 made to your earlier draft:?To avenge his mentor's murder, a former assassin must take down the shadow government he used to work for before they destroy the…
on Two recusant boys have 36 hours to reach the historic return of the first spacecraft to contact alien life after their plan to surreptitiously view it in a friends dorm is obstructed by the boarding schools strictly enforced orthodox precepts.

Thanks for the guidance dpg, its certainly helping clarify the concept for me. Is a singular hook prominent in?this revision (Trying to focus on the boys journey: inciting incident, flawed character, goal)? When an alien vessel arrives on earth, two…
on Two recusant boys have 36 hours to reach the historic return of the first spacecraft to contact alien life after their plan to surreptitiously view it in a friends dorm is obstructed by the boarding schools strictly enforced orthodox precepts.

I would say I am more interested in exploring the teens interpersonal conflict of faith incited by the arrival of aliens rather than exploring humankind at large because I feel like that is a story which has been done before…
on To avenge his mentor’s murder, an assassin who turned his back on the intelligence world returns, discovers he’s no longer the hunter, but the hunted and has to stop them before they destroy the core principles of the countries founders.

A solid improvement over your first draft. And Foxtrot25s redraft is a further improvement. Though,?I am having difficulty seeing how solving the government problem relates to avenging his mentor's murder? Was his mentor involved in preserving the integrity of the…
on Two recusant boys have 36 hours to reach the historic return of the first spacecraft to contact alien life after their plan to surreptitiously view it in a friends dorm is obstructed by the boarding schools strictly enforced orthodox precepts.

@Richiev, dpg and Foxtrot25, your feedback is much appreciated.To falsify their strictly religious commune, two rebellious boys embroil their orthodox friend in traversing beyond the security of their commune and through the desolate zone to the unprecedented arrival of an…

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