OKBoomer

Logliner · 340 points

190 points to Samurai

2 loglines
20 reviews

When a car accident sends him back to the 1970s a by-the-book, politically correct detective finds himself working in the â€œflying squadâ€, a special crimes unit infamous for using illeagal and brutal tactics.

June 28, 2020
When a down trodden high school chemistry teacher receives a terminal diagnosis he decides to cook crystal meth in order to support his pregnant wife.

June 28, 2020

on A young woman struggles to cope with life in America after being orphaned by parents immigrated from war torn Lebanon.

This is a little confusing. Can I suggest... When a young Lebanese immigrant is orphaned, she struggles with her new life in America. - or - When a young orphan flees war-torn Lebanon, she struggles with her new life in…
on A young dream interpreter must investigate a political conspiracy conceived by a high-ranking official possessing the same extraordinary gifts.

I don't understand how this is SciFi. Psychologists, and others, have been "interpreting" dreams for decades without any SciFi equipment. It feels like there is something missing from the logline, like how does the dream interpreter interpret dreams?
on When a teenage girl realizes her big sister works as a prostitute to put herself through lawschool, she has to find a way to financially support her, without her sister finding out who the money comes from, or else she will not accept the help and continue with this self destructive work.

You cannot assume that everyone reading this logline will share your view that the sister being a sex worker is a terrible thing. I recommend you take the judgment out of the logline, especially the bit about sex working being…
on When a vicious king threatens the peace between the Gifted and Commoners in Athenia, a red headed thief, participates in an illegal ritual where she discovers, she is the last Moonkeeper. To stop the evil in the kingdom, she must take help by an angry warrior, a gold hearted prince and the next king in line with horrific powers, before the world as she knows it, disappears.

It appears as if you have two inciting incidents; 1) A vicious king threatening peace, 2) she discovers she is the last Moonkeeper. So, I believe you have two options - 1) start with - When a vicious king threatens…
on After decades of interplanetary warfare, a wealthy inventor leads a team of intrepid adventurers in perfecting a faster-than-light drive to safely scatter humanity among the stars, but greedy corporations and corrupt governments plot to take the technology and steal the future of the human race.

I get the premise, however I'm not clear on what the main action will be for this story. Are the wealthy inventor's top scientists working in a secret lab trying to keep the details of their progress from prying eyes?…
on After witnessing a murder, a young woman with autism teams up with a cop to name the serial killer in order for her to stop being targeted.

Whose story is this, the young autistic woman's or the cop's? Whose PoV will we follow?
on A geeky young woman discovers a book of fairytales that are set in a carnival in her town.

This is the setup and the inciting incident. What happens next?
on A disgraced ER doctor reinvents himself as an amphetamine cook getting entangled in helping members escape a community with a violent secret.

This feels like two stories. One about an ER doc turned meth cook, and the other about someone helping people escape somewhere. Try starting with...After becoming entangled in a violent and secretive community, a disgraced ER doctor must...(insert second-act-main-action here).
on After surviving cancer, a boxer comes out of retirement with the help of his coach.

Why does he come out of retirement? What does he desire? What is he risking?
on Discovering that her estranged father has stolen a map to Neverland, an independent rouge agrees to deliver it to a banished Captain Hook, battling against Peter Pan and his Lost Boys in the process.

I don't get a sense of what is at stake here for the main character or the inhabitants of the story world. So what if Captain Hook gets his hands on the map? What happens to the main character if…

When a car accident sends him back to the 1970s a by-the-book, politically correct detective finds himself working in the â€œflying squadâ€, a special crimes unit infamous for using illeagal and brutal tactics.

When a down trodden high school chemistry teacher receives a terminal diagnosis he decides to cook crystal meth in order to support his pregnant wife.

When a car accident sends him back to the 1970s a by-the-book, politically correct detective finds himself working in the â€œflying squadâ€, a special crimes unit infamous for using illeagal and brutal tactics.