Outfox Code

Penpusher · 210 points

90 points to Logliner

6 loglines
8 reviews

In a future where the wealthy live above the smog in floating cities, a group of scavengers — led by a buoyant teen — make the seemingly impossible ascent from the barren earth below in search of essential supplies for their people.

March 13, 2020
A naïve girl helps a strange fugitive claiming to be from the future avoid arrest so that he can marry her future self.

August 16, 2019
A whiskey soused private detective is hired to retrieve a businessman’s errant daughter and must convincingly infiltrate the clean living cult the daughter has joined.

August 16, 2019
A payday loan banker’s estranged mother is kidnapped by a disgruntled customer but, when they refuse to pay the ransom a dangerous game of wits unfolds.

October 18, 2018
Two middle-aged misfits wrestle with their selective memories as they retrace the steps of a wild teenage holiday hoping to find their dead friend’s estranged son.

October 17, 2018
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An incessant granny is kidnapped by two dim-witted crooks and used to hold her wealthy son to ransom. When her son refuses to pay she must forge her own escape and find the reason why.

September 20, 2018

on In a future where the wealthy live above the smog in floating cities, a group of scavengers — led by a buoyant teen — make the seemingly impossible ascent from the barren earth below in search of essential supplies for their people.

Wasn't expecting this level of feedback - thank you! All of your comments are of use and give me a good insight into what I'm not communicating about my story within the logline.
on In a future where the wealthy live above the smog in floating cities, a group of scavengers — led by a buoyant teen — make the seemingly impossible ascent from the barren earth below in search of essential supplies for their people.

Thanks both, good questions. I have answers to most of them. The issue is cramming enough into the logline without it turning into an outline - haha! I'm finding this logline particularly difficult as I'm having to explain the functions…
on When the town bully humiliates him, a mild-mannered cowboy sets out to reclaim his dignity, only to accidentally kill the man, and set off his violent outlaw family.

Hey, love the premise - I'm not sure on 'town bully' to me it sounds a little childlike which I don't think is the tone you're going for. Maybe 'local hoodlum' or something like that could work? Seems you're mostly…
on After discovering his new and only friend’s family relies heavily on government handouts, a sheltered teenager struggles against his privileged upbringing and his parent’s ideals to maintain this relationship.

Hi Mike, I like the concept, and get a good sense of how the story will pan out. I think the logline is fine to be fair. It covers all the essentials ?so I have little to suggest. Would you…
on Kidnapped and caged, ten people are going to be killed one at a time until they identify the two traitors in their group, which will secure their release.

Hi Craig, I'm sorry my feedback will be less useful than yours but wanted to repay the favour. I like this logline, I get a good idea of how the story will pan out, also that it could be made…
on REVISED: When her beloved grandma passes away, an estranged young woman must find a way of fulfilling her grandma’s last wish while struggling to reconnect with her dysfunctional family at the funeral.

I think the above comments are on the same line of thought as me.?the logline?seems quite vague at the moment, I'd?try and show what makes the?story unique, what is unique about the situation/story? Hopefully it is something that?includes an element…
on When a failed real estate agent is threatened to be fired, he must sell a house no one else has succeeded in selling.

I like the premise, a good simple setup. It's all subjective but I think you could get away with adding more description for why the house is so hard to sell - murder house, haunted, neighbours from hell, next to…
on A shy researcher in an isolated science station falls in love with the voice of his Russian counterpart, when he doesn’t hear from her for 24 hours he sets out across the tundra to find her.

I like the idea, I think everyone has already made good suggestions. There's definitely a way to trim the word count and still stress the situation, physical conflict and the emotional one too.

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