PamelaOZ

Penpusher · 135 points

165 points to Logliner

3 loglines
7 reviews

Leaving behind his disorderly family in 1920s Oklahoma, a boy embraces the hobo life of freight hopping, vagrancy and drugs. Sent to prison, then declared insane, he encounters a book that redirects his life.

March 7, 2016
Running away from domestic violence in 1920s Oklahoma, a teenager encounters homelessness, alcoholism and drug addiction. Sent to prison, then declared insane, an encounter with a book changes his life

February 12, 2016
A runaway kid in 1920’s Oklahoma transforms vagrancy, drug addiction and mental illness through religion to success in business, but his past overwhelms him.

February 2, 2016

on The Devil’s Cruise – On a family vacation cruise a father lost his daughter thru Somalian pirates and will now choose between saving her daughter or his business.

Why Somali pirates?? Somali pirates are sort of played out by now.? Somehow just don't see how this could work.? It might with the mother stepping up, but of course then the family falls to bits and also which wife…
on A secretly dying filmmaker goes to the Blue Mountains to shoot her final film. As her marriage and the production fall apart, the ghost of a local murder victim has her questioning what her life’s work truly is.

Agreed with above... and the word "secretly" really is annoying especially as the first word.? Why should it be secret?? Secret to whom?? and why TB seems improbable today... there is treatment available except for a few multiple antibiotic resistant…
on A single career woman takes in her distant relative, a child Holocaust survivor, in post- war Sydney. As each others’ only family left alive, they must form a new life together but secrets and long-buried betrayals threaten to finish the work the Nazis started.

Yes? there are rather a lot of Holocaust stories/films around.? However, this seems to me to be a post-Holocaust story, that would be more about PTSD, and adjustment to the world of Sydney as well as rebuilding a family.? Is…
on When her best friend’s fiancé comes to town, a sheltered outback girl is faced with feelings she never thought she would have. When he asks her to write a song with him about the suspicious death of a local shearer, she discovers that the culprit is someone close to home.

Yep this is the story I want to read/see: ? When her best friend's fiance? asks her to ?write a ?song with him about the suspicious death of a local shearer, she discoverers that the culprit is someone close to…
on When a troubled young man tries to kill himself, confined to the hospital he finds some peace by supporting cancer patients but faces being discharged and losing his newfound peace.

Agree with the above review... this logline is a set up not a complete summary to involve the viewer/reader.? Could there be something that happens with a cancer patient that brings a new twist to the story?? Or could it…
on Running away from domestic violence in 1920s Oklahoma, a teenager encounters homelessness, alcoholism and drug addiction. Sent to prison, then declared insane, an encounter with a book changes his life

Thanks for the feedback. Domestic violence was the inciting incident that got the protagonist into action.? Yes perhaps there are just too many incidents and not a clear theme, or too many themes in the draft.
on A runaway kid in 1920’s Oklahoma transforms vagrancy, drug addiction and mental illness through religion to success in business, but his past overwhelms him.

Excellent comments.? Thank you so much.? Yes the through religion is out of place... and needs to be changed.. much work to do.? thanks again.