patrockd

Penpusher · 200 points

100 points to Logliner

1 logline
19 reviews

A brilliant, genetically engineered con-artist has three days to find the scientist who programmed her to die on her twenty first birthday.

November 13, 2012

on A killer robot driving instructor travels back in time for some reason. He’s got a heartbreaking decision to make about whether his best friend lives or dies. His best friend’s a talking pie.

Sold! Howard, you've done it again!
on A student fed up with life uses his student loans to go on a cross-country trip to a video game tournament, meeting his teammates along the way.

more stakes, more obstacles!
on The President’s Chopper crashes over enemy’s territory, he must fight his way out or be killed.

no. youre tainting something beautiful. he doesnt need another reason to "fight he way out". survival is enough. its raw. its primal. people get it!
on A brilliant, genetically engineered con-artist has three days to find the scientist who programmed her to die on her twenty first birthday.

lol thanks for the ideas! you certainly have an active imagination!
on When an abortionist starts using flesh from unwanted pregnancies to build a body for a god, a man must stop his girlfriend’s abortion in order to destroy an ancient evil.

Hmmm...Is this psychopath the god? Who is your main villain? Try to focus on the main goal and obstacle. No need to include the supporting characters' motives and backstories.
on The President’s Chopper crashes over enemy’s territory, he must fight his way out or be killed.

Love it! Basically its:When the president crash lands in enemy territory, he must go rambo to survive.. .Ridiculously short yet everything is there: Protag, stakes, goal, obstacles, inciting incident, + strong sense of genre (action) + bonus points for putting…
on When an abortionist starts using flesh from unwanted pregnancies to build a body for a god, a man must stop his girlfriend’s abortion in order to destroy an ancient evil.

Howabout: An pro-choice soldier must stop a demonic abortionist from using his unborn baby to ressurrect an ancient god.
on When the government release swarms of drug eating insects to kill the junkie population a self-righteous policeman risks everything as he struggles to save his drug using sister from the tyrannical forces of prohibition.

Dont get rid of the insects! Thats what makes this logline unique! Also, the correct grammar is "the government starts" not "start". "Drug using" is fine if thats essential to your plot. I prefer "must save" to "fights to save"...3…
on A brilliant, genetically engineered con-artist has three days to find the scientist who programmed her to die on her twenty first birthday.

Ohhhh i get it... expiration DATE haha boy am i slow. Cool add on! but why would she love the scientist who programmed her to die?
on When an abortionist starts using flesh from unwanted pregnancies to build a body for a god, a man must stop his girlfriend’s abortion in order to destroy an ancient evil.

Better! But now its too long! Can you keep it under 26 words? And how does fighting evil bovine guardians stop an abortion?

A brilliant, genetically engineered con-artist has three days to find the scientist who programmed her to die on her twenty first birthday.