RichW

Penpusher · 210 points

90 points to Logliner

9 loglines
8 reviews

A mild mannered accountant accidentally kills a mobster in a hit and run accident and must escape the mob’s revenge and another mob’s quest to silence him as he hightails it with the dead mobster’s wayward wife and two bratty kids to safety in the Arizona desert.

June 20, 2016
A mild mannered accountant accidentally kills a mob boss in a hit and run and must escape or be killed.

June 19, 2016
A woman cop uncovers scary evidence of an old murder and battles long-imbedded terrors to catch the serial killer before she becomes the next victim.

May 8, 2016
A fledgling detective pursues a serial killer who killed her mother, getting assistance from beyond the grave, but is overwhelmed by panic attacks when she gets too close.

March 20, 2016
A fledgling detective pursues a serial killer and is faced with panic attacks when she gets too close.

February 1, 2016
2

A young homicide detective is obsessive about her first case upon finding evidence identical to her mother’s murder fifteen years earlier – until the killer strikes at her.

November 18, 2015
A woman whose mother was murdered when she was a child of twelve, is now, fifteen years later, working as a detective and still pursuing her mother’s killer, who, it turns out, is closer than she thinks.

September 4, 2015
An inexperienced detective finds evidence at a murder scene strangely matching that found at her mother’s death 20 years earlier and finds herself drawn into a vortex of deceit, terror and retribution

September 2, 2015
In a dystopian world, a geeky geneticist invents a super-seed to avert global starvation and finds himself pursued by dark corporate profiteers.

August 30, 2015

on A woman whose mother was murdered when she was a child of twelve, is now, fifteen years later, working as a detective and still pursuing her mother’s killer, who, it turns out, is closer than she thinks.

Thanks for the feedback. It sounds like my story is just too complicated to be laid out in 25 or so words.
on A woman whose mother was murdered when she was a child of twelve, is now, fifteen years later, working as a detective and still pursuing her mother’s killer, who, it turns out, is closer than she thinks.

It is more difficult to be specific than I realized. My intention for the inciting incident was at the point where the detective suddenly realizes that the clues in her investigation of the murder today are IDENTICAL to those found…
on A woman whose mother was murdered when she was a child of twelve, is now, fifteen years later, working as a detective and still pursuing her mother’s killer, who, it turns out, is closer than she thinks.

Or this: When a fledgling criminologist finds clues at a murder scene strikingly similar to those when her mother was murdered 20 years earlier, she broadens her investigation to catch the double killer before he gets her too. Specific details?…
on A woman whose mother was murdered when she was a child of twelve, is now, fifteen years later, working as a detective and still pursuing her mother’s killer, who, it turns out, is closer than she thinks.

How about this then? A fledgling criminologist finds unique clues at a murder scene strikingly similar to those when her mother was murdered 20 years earlier, causing her to pursue and catch the double killer The similarity is the inciting…
on In a dystopian world, a geeky geneticist invents a super-seed to avert global starvation and finds himself pursued by dark corporate profiteers.

This is my goal exactly: To focus attention on the situation, to raise awareness, and to do it via the struggling of a few specific characters.
on In a dystopian world, a geeky geneticist invents a super-seed to avert global starvation and finds himself pursued by dark corporate profiteers.

These are ALL good comments (and I agree). Thanks for the enlightened feedback!
on When new clues from the diary of her long lost brother, help a young woman to solve a riddle of decades old crime, she is compelled to go to Siberia in search for her vanished family and a missing treasure.

Perhaps just a small change: Clues from a family diary reveal a riddle about a long-forgotten crime and put the heroine on a trail leading her to Siberia in search of her vanished family and a missing treasure.
on After a land survey reveals that her fence is in the wrong place, a homeowner, unwilling to lose part of her backyard, wages war against her neighbor — no matter what the law says.

Drama won't work, because it is too mundane, imo. It could be a funny comedy if it slowly escalates to outrageous proportions. But that would be a TOTALLY different direction from where I think you want to go.