sloanpeterson
Samurai · 925 points
- 14 loglines
- 47 reviews
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Most loglines hint at what the inciting incident is and who the enemy is, but this doesn't seem to have that. Unless time is their enemy, but I'm wondering why their time together is running out? Is the best friend…
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Hmm. It's kind of not clear enough for me. It sounds very tense and like a good contained thriller. But why does he have to investigate them to survive? I'm wondering if informant or undercover informant is what he really…
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The first thing is it's a run-on sentence. The comma after addiction should be a period or it should be reworked. I think it sounds like a good story, though. Also, it's not clear who the main character is. Even…
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It starts out strong, but then it gets really unclear. Is the mother the main character? The villain? Also, a chain of unexplained events just sounds frustrating for the viewer. I would hope that at some point we get answers.
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The stakes aren't very high. If they fail, they didn't get to go to a game they can probably watch on TV. Also why didn't they just buy tickets like people do everyday? I guess because they're stoners, but still...
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I would just change the order a bit because it felt like i was playing catch up while reading. Maybe... An earnest biology teacher fights a desperate battle to stop the military from weaponizing his students by infecting them with…
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What is her life outlook? Bleak? That would give a hint at why it's called into question. Also, maybe "challenged" is better than called into question. More action and conflict oriented. Is there a reason the friend is blind? Does…
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I know it's a short film, but I feel like there could be a little more detail here. It feels a little short for a logline, which is unusual, people are usually struggling to make them shorter! I think descriptive…
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This leaves a lot of questions. When you say boy, I picture a child. But then you say they take a trip around the world, but I thought he was in the hospital awaiting test results. Is this exciting relationship…
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This is confusing because it sounds like the protagonist has two professions, a detective and a fiction writer. It took me a while to figure out you probably mean a writer of fiction in the detective genre. There must be…
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