SReyes

Penpusher · 110 points

190 points to Logliner

on (Animated Short) Two competitive drunks awake locked inside the Tower of London, only to get caught in an increasingly loud battle of imaginations about how to steal the crown jewels.

Entirely agree - just got exactly same feedback in the material world - it's just a barroom argument, no stakes, so why should you care? Thus why changed it to the above to try and increase the stakes. Also edited…
on (Comedy) What if an old woman found a spaceship in her backyard and the government wants it, but she wants to keep it to help her alien friend!

This sounds like a solid story: you've already answered the who (old woman), what if they fail (government takes ship - but why is this bad, greed on her part, stinginess, a lovable alien - why does she want the…
on (political action adventure) about Veronica McCabe a college professor who wants to shut down the Plum Island Animal Disease Center. The federal government is bringing live animals with diseases through the community. Her son Alex (9) contracts a rare disease and now she has to find the cure.

Seconding Tony: from what I've read the logline MUST be one sentence - but it's always best to write something that's too long first and THEN cut it down into a shorter length. I also don't think you should supposed…

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