Steven Fernandez

Penpusher · 235 points

65 points to Logliner

4 loglines
16 reviews

After refusing to finish an atrocity, Athena’s star champion seeks redemption by hunting another menace only to discover the secret that the gods will genocide to keep.

February 24, 2014
When social media replaces most face to face contact, an accountant hunts down apocalyptic fundamentalists who almost killed him with one of their bombs.

February 24, 2014
A comfortable alien mayor must lead the effort to stop an Earth ship from destroying their sun despite their peaceful reliance on non-mechanical technology.

February 24, 2014
After committing an atrocity, a true-believing champion of the Greek gods seeks redemption by hunting down a cunning, unchecked, voracious and pitiless enemy. But his quest leads him to uncover some cold truths about his masters. And the final choice he must make will shape humanity’s future for centuries to come.

August 16, 2013

on When the hipster invasion drain the neighborhood of low-incomers, a wrecked ex-butcher rallies the rejects to hit back, only to find the hipsters drain people of blood too — HIPSTER VAMPIRES

This premise would not work even for a quirky, outlandish, comedy.? But for an alleged horror concept?? I don't think so. But how could this be improved?? Well, a start would be to put a much more menacing tone on…
on When one of gods angels falls down in an accident in a backyard, a atheist man must help her find her way up again through making and finding the key to heaven.

ANOTHER 'fallen angels' film?? Groan!! More analytically:? What is the imperative for the atheist to help out the angel?? Can't be romance because he's going to lose her in the end (or will he?). The way I see it, there…
on To solve the puzzle of her family disappearance, a fraud investigator must find out the truth about her father who masterminded an international criminal heist

I like the irony of a "fraud investigator" having to use her skills of investigation and deceit to track down a criminal father.? There is a potential character redemption arc here that could elevate the story above?being?just a?cross between "Focus"…
on After the murder of her mother, an anti-socialite young girl must survive the trials of a ritualistic fraternity to vindicate the alleged killer…Her father!

Fundamentally, I think this lacks originality.? It even lacks a different twist on an otherwise already-done plot. The college fraternity element is the weakest link of the chain.? On the face of it, so what if the killer is hiding…
on Everyone that touches Berry instantly dies a horrible, painful death. Can he get out of the busiest city in the US without killing anyone else?

I think we need? a bit more to hint at the humanity of Berry.? A great irony would be that he is a doctor or care worker.?? Even better if Berry only acquired his 'condition' very recently and with no…
on A secret government test places 3 children that have been raised with no human contact on a deserted island to see how they develop.

The above critiques are really good. My addition is that the logline does not quite make crystal if the trio have been raised together or completely apart.? (Which makes a big difference from a viewer empathy point of view.) For…
on Adapted from the book The Last Stand of Fox Company about a real battle over six nights in subfreezing temperatures during the Korean War: A brainy captain and 250 inexperienced Marines defend a vital evacuation route against an invading horde of Chinese soldiers to save another 8,000 Marines from annihilation. ★ Accepted

Great 'Battle of Thermopylae' type set up!? ?Compelling stakes and antagonist forces.? I do have a quibble about the Korean War setting ... It seems a bit too far back in the past ... However, the harsh snowy environment and…
on A comfortable alien mayor must lead the effort to stop an Earth ship from destroying their sun despite their peaceful reliance on non-mechanical technology.

EmpireThinking, "non-violent" is a fairly redundant description given the "peaceful reliance" bit towards the end of the logline. So I'm not a fan of that, I'm afraid. I originally wanted to describe the mayor as "complacent", but that would be…
on When social media replaces most face to face contact, an accountant hunts down apocalyptic fundamentalists who almost killed him with one of their bombs.

Richiev, you're right that the accountant character should be individualised more with some character trait. (Normally that is a mistake I pick with other people's loglines ... Ironic!)
on When social media replaces most face to face contact, an accountant hunts down apocalyptic fundamentalists who almost killed him with one of their bombs.

The "when" clause is meant to be read as a setting statement, rather than a statement about the inciting incident. Although if this creates ambiguity, it's good that I'm told about it. The inciting incident is simply the bomb blast,…