Tim Aucoin

Penpusher · 245 points

55 points to Logliner

7 loglines
9 reviews

1

Home Invasion – A brilliant engineer and his family get trapped in their home when his highly sophisticated, prototype security device goes rogue.

March 23, 2016
Zen O’Clock (Pilot) – An office lackey buys an alarm clock possessed with the soul of a world renowned self-help guru and takes advice from it on how to improve his daily life.

March 23, 2016
In The City – A dirty cop with a gambling debt he must pay off with 24 hours forces a fast-talking criminal to take him to a lockbox full of cash he claims is stashed somewhere in the city.

March 23, 2016
The Jewish Director – A struggling director pretends he’s Jewish thinking it will help him break into the biz.

March 23, 2016
An amnesiac who wakes up chained to a table in a mysterious room must uncover why sinister doctors are performing grisly operations on him.

May 28, 2015
When terrorists cease control of the North Pole and take Santa hostage on Christmas Eve, the government sends in an elite task force to rescue him.

May 28, 2015
A week before Christmas terrorists invade the North Pole and take Santa hostage, and the only cop that can save him hates Christmas more than Ebenezer Scrooge.

May 7, 2013

on When unknowingly a lottery salesman sells a winning ticket, he continues his eternal battle to survive, living in his beach cavern, and crosses the path of an interesting fauna of people — amongst whom the winner.

This is very confusing to read. Lottery salesmen probably sell lots of winning tickets without knowing, it's part of their job. If he/she already had a winning ticket, but sold it due to being broke or desperate, it ups the…
on When Western men suspiciously die in an peaceful Asian country the US counts as a key ally, an inexperienced American Embassy security official ruffles diplomatic feathers by claiming the country’s first serial killer has emerged and is probably an American.

This feels like two loglines smashed together. Why call the Western men when you probably mean American? What country are you referring to in regards to the serial killer? Overall, the logline is way too long and confusing.
on Desperate to save his famous family farm, a proud cowboy tries to win $50,000 at the state rodeo, only to find out that his biggest rival is the college-indebted woman who stole his heart. (My idea with this logline is that the cowboy has a problem to lose against a woman in the first place. But he actually loves her. This tension drives the characters and the story forward.)

Why does it matter if his love interest is "college-indebted?" The protag is the cowboy, the logline only needs to focus on him, and why is his family farm in trouble if his family is famous? Calling him a proud…
on When she falls for an old flame at a student reunion abroad, an engaged CEO must decide whether to break off the engagement for the affair and move overseas without job and friends.

Does it matter she's a CEO? Like dpg said, because she's a CEO it could make the audience not root for her like you want for your protag. She could just ?fly back and forth on her company jet if…
on After returning to the same hotel they met 30 years ago, a married couple struggles to attend the same teenager events from their first summer together in order to restore their love.

It's not bad but why is it a struggle for them to attend these said events? Reads a little confusing, and the hotel doesn't really matter. Maybe: A?married couple struggles to recapture their love by attending the same events from…
on An amnesiac who wakes up chained to a table in a mysterious room must uncover why sinister doctors are performing grisly operations on him.

Thanks for the reviews guys. I haven't been on here for awhile so it's cool to read the feedback. Much appreciated!
on Down on his luck and fed up with his life in general, a black male is stopped by police in search of a suspect that fits his description.

Needs more story. Why was he stopped? What happened after or before being stopped? This sounds like the?catalyst for the actual story.
on “Spielberg’s and Tarantino’s internet bet: at home at Uwe Boll – concidered Hollywood’s worst movie maker – be the first that writes a killer logline under twenty words; or star in Boll’s next disaster movie.”

First off you spelled considered wrong. And it's too wordy, doesn't flow well. Everyone knows Boll's films suck so you could probably take that part out. "Spielberg's and Tarantino make a bet: write a killer logline under twenty words or…
on A week before Christmas terrorists invade the North Pole and take Santa hostage, and the only cop that can save him hates Christmas more than Ebenezer Scrooge.

Thanks for the feedback guys. Just to clarify: what I'm going for with this is a tongue-in-cheek, r-rated, over the top action-comedy. Not in any way a serious movie.