tschrack

Penpusher · 240 points

60 points to Logliner

3 loglines
17 reviews

An impulsive 14-year-old goes to epic lengths and sparks a national emergency trying to find case of beer to impress his older brother.

June 26, 2022
A traditional fiddler crab breaks out of his shell and goes beyond the call of duty to dive into a global climate crisis to save his sister, their slice of the creek, and potentially the world.

November 22, 2021
When his sister is taken, a rule-loving fiddler crab breaks out of his shell and dives claw first into a global climate crisis to save her.

October 11, 2021

on An impulsive 14-year-old goes to epic lengths and sparks a national emergency trying to find case of beer to impress his older brother.

Thanks so much!
on An impulsive 14-year-old goes to epic lengths and sparks a national emergency trying to find case of beer to impress his older brother.

To impress his older brother, an impulsive teen goes to epic lengths and sparks a national emergency trying to find case of beer for him.
on An impulsive 14-year-old goes to epic lengths and sparks a national emergency trying to find case of beer to impress his older brother.

Thanks Ben! Do you think it's stronger starting with "To impress his older brother?" That does announce the stakes right off the bat... I also like teen more than 14-year-old... I assume you agree?
on After having broken up with her partner, a woman overhears a young couple that is falling apart and attempts to save their relationship.

I'd be interested in hearing the "why" here. Is she trying to fill her relationship void through them? Overcome something?
on When two friends wake up to a sunless morning, they learn their roommate hasn’t come home from last night. After a failure to contact him or anyone else, they venture outside in an attempt to understand this anomaly.

Feels like you might be telling two separate stories here. Can you combine them into one fluid storyline?
on A woman seeks vengeance against two men who made her life a living hell, her husband and a corrupt lawyer, but after she sets them up to kill on another, she struggles to prove her innocence when the police discover she had reason to kill them.

Hmm. This feels a bit long. Compelling but a bit too many words to get the point across. Could you start it with "When a *adj* woman orchestrates her husband and lawyer to kill each other, one cop connects the…
on A teenage girl discovers a talking cat only to find out she must return him to his owners in 1970s Stockholm.

I agree. Let us know what happens if he doesn't return the cat. Bad idea: could the teenage girl be mute and the cat speaks for her? I don't think we need 1970s or Stockholm. It does read like a…
on When a future millionaire obsessed with time travel sets in motion his evil plan to achieve it, a high school boy with superpowers tries to stop the future catastrophe.

I'm also not sure who the protagonist is. The high schooler sounds like the antagonist.
on When a future millionaire obsessed with time travel sets in motion his evil plan to achieve it, a high school boy with superpowers tries to stop the future catastrophe.

Maybe instead of using "future" twice, you could use "imminent" the second time? Or slim it down even further: When an obsessive time traveler has everything in place to get his future millions, a superpowered high-schooler is the only thing…
on A young woman decides to follow her sister’s footsteps into the music industry gets derailed when she gets in a car accident.

Anything you could describe the young woman as, instead of young, that alludes to a flaw that will be fixed? What caused her to decide? The logline reads more like an inciting incident/catalyst than a logline itself. It might start…