TullyArcher

Samurai · 800 points

1,700 points to Mentor

1 logline
52 reviews

When a dedicated Cupid is forced to swap jobs with a despondent Genie, he must complete both assignments on his own to save their jobs and their immortality.

June 28, 2018

on After her estranged father’s death, a free-spirited activist must return to her political roots and take her place in her family’s business of corporate law.

Why "must" she?
on A jailed former wrestler, gets another chance in the spotlight by putting on wrestling shows in prison, but after his early parole, he struggles to cope without it.

This sounds like a comedy to me. One I would enjoy! But you said "drama", sooooo... I see from your comments that maybe you're not clear on the tone of it? It's point?A straight to point B. Had limelight, wants…
on Revision 2: A telepath must install a countermeasure in a guarded government facility, before an anti-telepath weapon is launched.

There's a line under your logline. Under that, another line. Between those two lines, if you hover, three buttons will appear on the right. One of those is your edit button. You could also have added the new logline in…
on 2112: the government is about to destroy a city’s ability for deep emotion, an outcast telepath must trade in her beloved, to rescue someone murdered in the past to start an uprising.

First of all, this needs help grammatically. Second, the phrase "must trade in her beloved" is too... simple? Like... she's either going to or not. And we assume she will. You're supposed to mention the GOAL of the main character,…
on After a chance meeting with his high school sweetheart reminds him he’s not who he aspired to be, a responsible 29-year-old risks his healthy relationship and stable career to live the life he dreamt of.

For the new one: I dig it more, but it still feels a little conflict-free. My first thought was "why doesn't he just explain to his girlfriend that he'd like to be more adventurous or whatever, and give her a…
on When a YouTube video ridiculing his attempt to feed off a millennial makes him a laughing stock, an ageing vampire rallies his fellow ageing monsters to remember their roots and terrify the community until mankind dare not venture out after dark.

This does sound funny, but I'm curious, why specify "virgin"? Don't vampires feed on everyone?
on After a chance meeting with his high school sweetheart reminds him he’s not who he aspired to be, a responsible 29-year-old risks his healthy relationship and stable career to live the life he dreamt of.

What's an "aspiring romantic"? This reads like he's a little bit of a dick, who's willing to explore options with another girl while he's still in a relationship with this one. I find myself not wanting to watch him at…
on Sent directly to earth from the Creator, to raise up their Race of Beings who have fallen prey. Things get deadly.

Those aren't even really sentences. Add a comment that explains your story with no attempt at brevity so we can see what's going on.?Then, we'd be able to help.
on When the illegal distribution of Opioids claims the life of a high school athlete, a 3rd generation police officer leads an investigation and as the case breaks, the fallout hits close to home.

Why does it matter that he's 3rd generation?
on (Having another stab at this one….)

Also, aren't we not supposed to post the same logline more than once? Aren't we supposed to add the new version to the first post, so people can follow and so the site doesn't get clogged?

Samurai

When a dedicated Cupid is forced to swap jobs with a despondent Genie, he must complete both assignments on his own to save their jobs and their immortality.