FreeWill

Penpusher · 250 points

50 points to Logliner

5 loglines
13 reviews

When an teenager becomes insecure about her boyfriend’s friendship with their female road-trip companion, she decides to make him jealous by inviting a dangerous hitchhiker along for the ride.

February 25, 2020
When an overprotected teenager? falls in love with an older rock-climber with trust problems, she convinces him to help her climb the dangerous “Watcher Crack” – but halfway up the wall they witness a murder and find themselves the target of a homicidal maniac desperate to cover his tracks.

February 21, 2020
In a society of conscious machines tasked with spreading the human race to new planets, a philosophical robot is sent to investigate the ghost-ship remnant of a previous (non-conscious) mission, but soon finds themselves facing a growing zombie-robot army that threatens both society and mission.

March 15, 2018
1

A couple take up rock climbing to work out their trust issues, but when they witness a murder half way up a 200 meter cliff, they become the killers next targets and must work together to get out alive.

March 14, 2018
A smooth talking, but psychologically damaged, criminal with face-blindness rips off a dangerous drug-lord with help from his tough-guy brother. When they are betrayed by their psychopathic accomplice, he must overcome his psychological challenges and track the psychopath through the underground world of experimental hallucinogenic psycho-therapy in order to retrieve the drugs and prevent his brother being murdered.

March 13, 2018

on After a machete wielding gang murder his partner, a vengeful drug mule hides with a geriatric cripple in his station wagon, to chase and kill the psychotic crew.

This logline works pretty well, although I agree it could be shorter.? However,? the problem that comes through in the character of the mule. His only characteristic is that he is vengeful - which happens during the story. Who is…
on Present day: After his mother is accidentally killed during a father-son quarrel, a young martial artist must find his long-lost uncle – to explain his mother’s dying words, while he is relentlessly pursued by his father, a martial arts master who has vowed to kill him.

Probably worth reviewing the punctuation and structure (the "Present Day" is unnecessary, while the hyphen is strangely placed). That aside, the inciting incident and the action seem to be working well in your idea here. Might be worth developing the…
on When an overprotected teenager? falls in love with an older rock-climber with trust problems, she convinces him to help her climb the dangerous “Watcher Crack” – but halfway up the wall they witness a murder and find themselves the target of a homicidal maniac desperate to cover his tracks.

Thanks guys - good points!
on When an abusive, powerful sniper surfaces to take back his ex-girlfriend, the godfather reaches out to a former assassin to defend her until the sniper is dead.

Agree with CraigDGriffiths - "until the sniper is dead" is unnecessary, we don't need to know how it ends. Also, he repositioned the protagonist as the assassin doing the defending, where your original logline has the abusive sniper as the…
on After a lovesick flight attendant and the wife of a doppelganger of a famous actor becomes pregnant by him, he sets out to convince them to share a home with him.

In my opinion it is the fact that this story idea says so much about the nature of our society, gender, superficiality, objectification? (for both male and female characters to some degree) that makes it interesting.? The characters are all…
on A smooth talking, but psychologically damaged, criminal with face-blindness rips off a dangerous drug-lord with help from his tough-guy brother. When they are betrayed by their psychopathic accomplice, he must overcome his psychological challenges and track the psychopath through the underground world of experimental hallucinogenic psycho-therapy in order to retrieve the drugs and prevent his brother being murdered.

Lots to think about here, thanks everyone for your comments. A friend suggested we are mixing together two seperate stories here - one is mystery story where the detective has face-blindness, and the other is a drama about a face-blind…
on Amid a sweltering summer, five different souls first encounter adulthood as gentrification alters their community.

"an ambitious barrister falls in love with the son of a property developer while campaigning to save the town she grew up in from gentrification" I think ambitious is the wrong characteristic for the protagonist. Could it be someone who…
on A couple take up rock climbing to work out their trust issues, but when they witness a murder half way up a 200 meter cliff, they become the killers next targets and must work together to get out alive.

Great comments all! Lots of food for thought... I guess the core of the story is the opposition of 4 central characters with very different relationships with?risk,? with climbing being a metaphor for more mundane risks and the need to…
on After the only doctor in a small isolated village falls prey to a rising unsolvable disease–making the victim’s psyche that of farm animals–a vetenarian steps up to solve the mystery, only to discover a bigger conspiracy.

Love it! A meditation on the animal nature of man! What is the flaw of the veterinarian? perhaps they don't like humans? How about: "After a small town doctor is infected by a mystery illness?that causes humans to behave like…
on After a lovesick flight attendant and the wife of a doppelganger of a famous actor becomes pregnant by him, he sets out to convince them to share a home with him.

I'm a little confused - is it a triangle between two pregnant women and one man who looks like a famous actor? Interesting! (If I've got it right, of course). The doppelganger characteristic seems to imply that he may be…