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When a tafe teacher learns of a new government order he is suspicious, but when his girlfriend is kidnapped by aliens he must rescue and reverse the effects.
Is there something unique about the "effects?" If so, that could be the hook that draws someone into reading this...I agree with Richiev, the first sentence is only useful in that it gives a picture of the protagonist's job.... Is…
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A murdered teenage girl sacrifices eternal life so she can return as a ghost to protect her younger sister from being her murderer’s next victim.
This sounds like a great mystery...have you thought of her returning as something other than a ghost...as that seems a little on the nose....? Perhaps she takes the form of another person - someone who could create even more conflict?…
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The last shaman “Medicine Man” of the Peruvian Amazon Highland jungle, who cures his patients of terminal diseases using plants native to the Amazon Jungle.
It would be great to see a twist on this initial idea...perhaps your medicine man can cure others but he can't cure himself?
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A group of rebels fed up with pop culture decide to form a band to rebel against society with music, little did they know they would become one of the most controversial bands of all time.
I can see the fun in this one. I think using the word "rebel" twice detracts from the logline.
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When a volcanic eruption grounds all flights, a desperate racing driver must evade highway patrolmen to transport his dying fiancé heart transplant.
Are you going to put someone in the car with him to create further tension - like his fiance's father, or her snotty little brother, or his ex-girlfriend...? It would be even worse if he wasn't a good driver...or he…
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Heartbroken from the loss of his son, a photographer heads out to the beach to snap shots of a sunset with his Canon EOS 600D until he is bashed by a group of Youths who steal the camera and film their exploits out in the City of Sydney… With the footage of his son’s funeral still saved on the camera.
I could be way off here, but I'm wondering what the photographer is going to do as I assume he will be the protag? Not really knowing where your story is going I'll give you a logline: Still heartbroken over…
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A popular rock band splits up after the death of a member and a hardworking detective searches for the killer.
Right now your logline doesn't have anything unique popping out. Unfortunately it seems fairly common that a band would break up over a death, and that a detective would be hard working. It may be more interesting if there is…
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A vengeful man tricks his opponents daughter into taking 30 cursed coins that once belonged to Judas Iscariot hoping the same unfortunate events that plagued him, will now undermine his enemy; however, he didn’t bet on the girl’s ability to love despite the odds.
Thank you for the excellent feedback!
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When a female book editor visits the home of a horror writer she finds that all of his creations are holding him hostage.
When a female book editor visits the home of a horror writer she finds that all of his creations are holding him hostage...and? I would like to know what the Protag is going to do....I think the idea is very…
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Set in a steampunk to modern era, A newly recruited soldier who matures into a ruthless mercenary must learn to face his demons in order to slay the barbaric and malevolent Kakos that threaten mankind with 7 swords of sin bestowed upon him by the gods.
I like the 7 swords of sin - gives a great imagery, but I feel like "face his demons is a bit cliche?
