yqwertz

Samurai · 2,165 points

335 points to Mentor

2 loglines
109 reviews

? When a distraught chemist evades culpability for killing her overbearing boss during a heated argument, she must fend off a psychotic blackmailer’s escalating demands.

June 25, 2019
1

When her male colleagues wager on her best friend’s chastity, a woman remains silent; when the bet ends in rape, she seeks redemption through vengeance.

April 3, 2017

on After falling in love with twin sisters, an irresolute Iranian student has to decide with whom he wants to spend his life with before getting forcibly married to an unkown woman by his family.

This sounds more like a male-fantasy comedy than a romance. There is a place for women without agency in the former but not the latter, especially if the film is set in the 21st century. Also, there does not seem…
on When a young homeless woman is confronted by an evil older male blackmailer, who holds the key to her secret, she must choose between her dignity and a roof over her head. (this is for a scene, but I’m requested to submit a logline for it).

I think you were trying too hard to be mysterious and secretive and ended up with a convoluted sentence full of pleonasm. Blackmailers are always more evil than anyone else in the film; if you know someone's secret you have…
on A talented lonely man falls in love with his soulmate but everyday fighting brings out her past and his imaginary future. ★ Accepted

Its all too vague. What is the man's talent? How does the talent help or hinder his relationship with his soulmate? Why is he lonely when he sees his soulmate every day? What kind of future does he imagine? What…
on Chris and his team plan to renovate a community of vacant row houses. After forcing a squatter out of one of the homes, they soon realize the neighborhood has a very dark history.

I think you misunderstood the previous commentators when they asked "who is the lead character?" They didn't mean give us his name, proper names have no place in loglines, rather they meant describe the lead character using traits that will…
on A thirty-something manchild, desperate to get his recently-dumped best friend laid, takes him to a party where his friend falls for a woman who only wants sex, whilst he falls in love for the first time… with his friend’s ex-fiance.

And then? The man's friend found a women to have sex with and the man himself has a new girlfriend. Everyone's happy. Where's the conflict?
on “Liam Santos comes to town to become a great artist, there he meets and falls in love with Fabio Grun, a successful young lawyer.” A car accident leaves the couple in a coma, only one of them can live thanks to the heart of one of them and thus be able to fulfill their dreams. —

Please take a look at the "Formula" link at the top of the page. A logline should be written from the viewpoint of the main character. As concisely as possible, it should tell us something about the MC, the inciting…
on Fired and dumped, a directionless young man takes a pizza delivery job, but when he is mistakenly given the kiss of death by a psychotic mafia boss, he must outsmart the mob to survive and save the love of his life.

There is no indication that the "love of his life" is in danger or in need of being saved. You can tighten up the logline by dropping that part: When a down-and-out pizza delivery man is mistakenly given the kiss…
on “Liam Santos comes to town to become a great artist, there he meets and falls in love with Fabio Grun, a successful young lawyer.” A car accident leaves the couple in a coma, only one of them can live thanks to the heart of one of them and thus be able to fulfill their dreams. —

An interesting idea, but the concept needs a bit more work. A car accident might leave a person brain dead and make them an organ donor candidate, but a car accident is very unlikely to leave a person with a…
on An alluring Irish banker who is terminally ill must race against time to convince her ex-boyfriend and American baseball star that her 10-year-old daughter is his.

In what sexist world is a terminally ill woman "alluring"? What illness makes a woman nearing her deathbed, look, according to Oxford, "mysteriously attractive; seductive"? And to whom? Closet necrophiliacs? Please, try to dignify a woman facing death with some…
on A basketball star must battle his vengeful mother’s attempt to sabotage his championship hopes when a posthumous letter from his long-lost dad reveals the young man was abducted and raised under a false identity. ★ Accepted

The way I read this: The young man's mother has given him a letter from his dead father revealing that she ran away with the young man (who I assume is her own son since you say nothing about his…

Mentor

? When a distraught chemist evades culpability for killing her overbearing boss during a heated argument, she must fend off a psychotic blackmailer’s escalating demands.

When her male colleagues wager on her best friend’s chastity, a woman remains silent; when the bet ends in rape, she seeks redemption through vengeance.