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Spoon on the Wall
I feel the 'undercover policewoman' needs a descriptor for her personality, or for her past. 'Lures... into a sexual relationship' sounds a little menacing, perhaps you could make this sound more procedural, while solidifying that this must be done to bring down the drug dealers.I would introduce thRead more
I feel the ‘undercover policewoman’ needs a descriptor for her personality, or for her past. ‘Lures… into a sexual relationship’ sounds a little menacing, perhaps you could make this sound more procedural, while solidifying that this must be done to bring down the drug dealers.
I would introduce the ending to your logline first, then introduce the policewoman, then explain her objective.
Here’s an example: Infiltration of a cocaine trafficking ring relies solely on the undercover mission of an inexperienced policewoman, involving a false love interest in a violent and ambitious member of the Albanian mafia.
See lessAn extraterrestrial warrior raised on planet Earth must fight a threat from his own species to protect the future of the planet.
I like the idea of the character being conflicted so that he has to fight his own species, but I'd echo the other comments - I want to know what makes him different, and what the stakes are.
I like the idea of the character being conflicted so that he has to fight his own species, but I’d echo the other comments – I want to know what makes him different, and what the stakes are.
See lessAfter faking a criminal’s death, the CEO of a mysterious syndicate who made it happen calls upon the man to fulfill his calling to help them find a book that could destroy humanity once and for all.
What connects the inciting incident (Faking a criminal's death) and the goal (Finding a book that could destroy humanity) I am not seeing the connection in the logline.
What connects the inciting incident (Faking a criminal’s death) and the goal (Finding a book that could destroy humanity)
I am not seeing the connection in the logline.
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