1. Posted: August 4, 2018In:

    After being given a job at a underworld casino as a bartender, his first assignment is to protect the owner?s goddaughter from an Russian sniper hellbent on getting her back.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    If this is a John Wick kind of character, describe him as such. Instead of just "...bartender..." write 'assassin gone bartender' or 'retired assassin gone bartender'.

    If this is a John Wick kind of character, describe him as such. Instead of just “…bartender…” write ‘assassin gone bartender’ or ‘retired assassin gone bartender’.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: July 17, 2018In:

    After her source is killed, a discredited journalist struggles to unravel and expose a diabolical plot by the world leader in DNA test kits before she becomes his next victim.

    dpg Singularity

    Yep, we need to know what the diabolical plot is.? We need to have a clear idea of what the protagonist is fighting against -- and for, a a specific rather than vague statement of the objective goal.? What jeopardy, what threat is created by marketing DNA tests, anyway?

    Yep, we need to know what the diabolical plot is.? We need to have a clear idea of what the protagonist is fighting against — and for, a a specific rather than vague statement of the objective goal.?

    What jeopardy, what threat is created by marketing DNA tests, anyway?

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: June 24, 2018In:

    When her father is captured by the greedy owner of an underground casino, an unorthodox cat burglar must convince her professional poker player sister to join forces to take down the bad guy and rescue their father. — All IN

    Best Answer
    Mike Pedley Singularity

    Agree with all previous comments. There are lots of elements in this logline that I think pose more questions and make it quite confusing to understand where the story is. Why is the father imprisoned? Is the "sodomised" relevant? (I'm curious why he would be sodomised anyway... seems a bit strangeRead more

    Agree with all previous comments. There are lots of elements in this logline that I think pose more questions and make it quite confusing to understand where the story is. Why is the father imprisoned? Is the “sodomised” relevant? (I’m curious why he would be sodomised anyway… seems a bit strange to me). How did the tech girl break into his highly secure mansion… and does she then just stand there holding a gun for the duration? Why does she need to do this? Surely she’d be better put to use helping the dare devil sister break their dad out? “Jail” to me suggests the law is involved – rather than just being imprisoned in the casino. I like that there’s this family element to the story and that should be the focus.

    I think that Richiev’s example logline is great and, other than a mean casino boss, I see very little similarity to Ocean’s 11.

    Hope this all helps. Definitely think there’s a story in here though 🙂

    See less
    • 0