Clarity is the most effective characteristic of a logline – not only will it help the reader understand the story but it also indicates that the writer can communicate ideas in a professional manner.

This logline lacks clarity. Read your logline through the lens of a time-poor executive lacking any and all prior knowledge of the story at hand – you’ll be amazed at what you find.

For example:
Who is the main character the sniper, ex girlfriend or assassin? What is the main goal in the plot? To kill the girl? To kill the sniper? Or to kill the assassin?
“…an abusive, powerful sniper…” – Abusive? Towards whom?? What is a powerful sniper? Is he strong? Is he a top marksman (evident by his profession…)? Is his weapon of choice powerful?
“…surfaces…” – Is this literal or figurative? Where from?
“…take back his ex-girlfriend…” – Take her back to where? Does he want to rekindle the relationship or force her to live with him under threat of death? How is he being a sniper, and a powerful one at that, related to a romantic relationship?
“…the Godfather…” – Don’t. Just don’t use that phrase. The words ‘The Godfather’ has such a strong association with one of the most well established franchises in film history that just the mere mention of those two words will throw off any decision maker.
“…a former assassin to defend her until the sniper is dead…” – ‘Until’ makes no sense here, it’s a case of one killer killing another, end of story.