1. Posted: February 21, 2018In:

    A young warrior wonders the wastelands of earth, seeking knowledge and strength to defend herself and others. Can she protect and help those who become her companions from, bandits, emperors and legendary warriors?

    dpg Singularity

    >>>Yancy I guess is mostly just looking for martial arts lore Any lore she's looking for ought not be an objective goal in itself, but rather a means to a more emotionally compelling goal, like find and save her kin.

    >>>Yancy I guess is mostly just looking for martial arts lore

    Any lore she’s looking for ought not be an objective goal in itself, but rather a means to a more emotionally compelling goal, like find and save her kin.

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  2. Posted: February 20, 2018In:

    After discovering the false promises of the corporation that raised him, a teenage super-genius is recruited in the fight to destroy the company at any cost. However, the peaceful leader of his new home challenges him to find another way, before it?s too late.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Agreed with DPG, the lack of detail in this paints a generic image of bad corporations and an innocent hero.More so, the MC is kind of a Jesus character - perfect and incorruptible in every way. In my opinion, these kind of characters are boring and often make for cliche stories. If you change his dRead more

    Agreed with DPG, the lack of detail in this paints a generic image of bad corporations and an innocent hero.

    More so, the MC is kind of a Jesus character – perfect and incorruptible in every way. In my opinion, these kind of characters are boring and often make for cliche stories. If you change his description and give him a significant character flaw, it will give him more depth.

    Character aside, the logline is a bit confusing. It sounds as if, but doesn’t say that the MC is a superhero by virtue of his super brain and he escapes the clutches of a corporation that’s trying to exploit him. If this is the case, you’ll need to state that he is in one place then escapes and goes to another, otherwise, there is a big time jump partway through the logline. What is this new home? How did he get there? Who is this leader? What does a “…peaceful leader…” mean? Is he a pacifist?

    Lastly, before what is too late? What’s going to happen and to whom?

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  3. Posted: February 18, 2018In:

    After a scientific accident that leaves everyone dead and one with fire abilities, the survivor must travel to a sacred temple to learn how to control his abilities.

    Richiev Singularity

    As Nir points out, your latest attempt is closer, However, your description of your characters is vague. You describe your lead character as 'someone' and you describe the antagonist as ' another' ... this really tells us nothing. You can give us a brief description without actually adding too manyRead more

    As Nir points out, your latest attempt is closer,

    However, your description of your characters is vague.

    You describe your lead character as ‘someone’ and you describe the antagonist as ‘ another’ … this really tells us nothing. You can give us a brief description without actually adding too many extra words to the logline. Here would be an example:

    “When an accident leaves a nerdy student with the ability to manipulate fire. He must race to an ancient temple while avoiding a ruthless cult that wishes to use his abilities to awaken a long-dormant fire god.”

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