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After his girl disappears, a vacationing underachiever must interfere in the last heist of a ruthless ageing crook hell-bent on capturing the girl he needs to finish the job.
Many moving parts in this logline but, as Moses99 said, few make sense.No need to mention vacation. Better to choose a different character description - characters with?no real goals in life are n inspiring and will likely bore an audience. If you want to imply that he learns to value goals, make hiRead more
Many moving parts in this logline but, as Moses99 said, few make sense.
No need to mention vacation. Better to choose a different character description – characters with?no real goals in life are n inspiring and will likely bore an audience. If you want to imply that he learns to value goals, make him depressed or scared.
Lastly describe in detail what he MUST achieve – kill the crook, have him arrested or save the girl and run. What ever it is it needs to be mentioned.
See lessA repentant terrorist decided to erase his memory and start over new life, but soon he was chased by his past
I think the logline should be composed from the writer's perspective, not the character's because it's the only way to pitch the hook, sell the sizzle. The sizzle of the story is that he deliberately had his memory erased. ?There's no sign of the sizzle in the logline if told from the pov of the chaRead more
I think the logline should be composed from the writer’s perspective, not the character’s because it’s the only way to pitch the hook, sell the sizzle. The sizzle of the story is that he deliberately had his memory erased. ?There’s no sign of the sizzle in the logline if told from the pov of the character.
I also think the concept would benefit from an ironic twist. ?Like in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, the story of 2 lovers who have the memories of their relationship erased after a painful breakup — only to be drawn back together again by circumstance and residual, fragmentary subconscious memories of their relationship.
As for how the memory is erased, there is also the credible option of a complete loss of memory in a battle accident. ?When he finally regains consciousness, it’s day 1 of the rest of the life. ?He has no memory of any moment in his life before then. ?I say credible because there are medical cases of people who, as a result of brain trauma, have suffered a complete memory loss of of their lives up to the moment of the trauma — and have never, never gotten it back.
fwiw
See less?In order to help create an international antiterrorism taskforce, the D. o. D. Director of Psychological Operations Dr. Samantha Ryan struggles to overcome her ex husband and the terrorists with whom he is associated.?
Presario: I've looked through the past attempts of this logline, and the problem is recurring: in each one, the one thing you're missing is what the?wife does. The protagonist. For example:?"When a government agent is sent to work on a new naval submarine, she discoveres that her ex-husband is out tRead more
Presario: I’ve looked through the past attempts of this logline, and the problem is recurring: in each one, the one thing you’re missing is what the?wife does. The protagonist.
For example:?“When a government agent is sent to work on a new naval submarine, she discoveres that her ex-husband is out to kill her.”
All you need is what specifically she aims to do. Does she want to kill her husband? Does she try to get him arrested again? What is her goal, and then what does she do to achieve it? This does not need an explanation of all of the plot points as you posted last time.
Since in your last version you brought up Star Wars(I still don’t understand what point you were trying to make), I’ll use it as the example. In “A New Hope”:
Inciting incident: Luke Skywalker returns to his home and finds that the Stormtroopers have attacked it and killed his family(not Padame being killed which is what I think you were trying to suggest), which leads to…
Goal: Luke decides to help Ben Kenobi rescue Princess Leia from the Empire, and to help destroy their superweapon which leads to…
Action: Luke begins to train to be Jedi and he and Ben hire Han Solo to fly them.
That’s really what a logline should contain.
See lessWhen his family is killed by soldiers, a young farm boy must rescue a princess from the evil Empire to help destroy their planet-destroying superweapon. (~25 words)