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  1. Posted: July 30, 2016In: Action

    Following a career-defining launch of a state of the art submarine, a high-ranking U. S. government official finds her life turned upside down after she learns that her estranged husband is hunting her.

    Dkpough1 Uberwriter
    Added an answer on August 2, 2016 at 9:28 am

    Spider-Man is a well known story, one of the most well known characters in the world. You were more likely to be familiar with it than some obscure action film I think up. Of all of the Star Wars films, Padame's death is not the inciting incident of any. Certainly not "Revenge of the Sith", where itRead more

    Spider-Man is a well known story, one of the most well known characters in the world. You were more likely to be familiar with it than some obscure action film I think up.
    Of all of the Star Wars films, Padame’s death is not the inciting incident of any. Certainly not “Revenge of the Sith”, where it happens at the end. I am not sure what point you are trying to make; Padame does die, Vader does eventually find out that Luke is his son, and he never goes after Padame. So, no, I don’t get it. I get what actually happens in the films.
    To use Star Wars as an example, the inciting incident of “A New Hope” is when the Stormtroopers kill Luke’s family. That event makes change his mind about becoming a Jedi, and he goes with Ben Kenobi to help him deliver the message to Leia, and to train to be a Jedi. The inciting incident is not Padame’s death. Padame’s death help sets up the situation, yes, but an inciting incident it is not.
    Likewise, “Liam Dunham?comitted treason while with the C. I. A. He was sent to prison. He was freed from prison by mistake. He now seeks revenge.” is not an inciting incident. It is set up to what is implied happens: him attacking his wife or doing whatever it is which drives her to action.

    “In order to help create an international antiterrorism taskforce, The D. o. D. Director of Psychological Operations Dr. Samantha Ryan struggles to overcome her ex husband and the terrorists with whom he is associated.”
    The common practice is, that unless it is a character from an existing franchise or a real person, do not name the characters. ?’Struggles to overcome’ is vague. What does she do? Does she investigate, does she infiltrate a terrorist organzation? What specific action does she take?

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  2. Posted: July 26, 2016In: Action

    After she’s betrayed doing a one time mission for the government, a broke data smuggler must decode the data packet encrypted in her brain to use as a bargaining chip for her life.

    Knightrider Mentor
    Added an answer on July 27, 2016 at 2:47 pm

    I would say she took the one off job as she is broke, and the want is to get what's in her head out so can bargain it for her life and maybe a bit of cash. The smuggler being the focus is fine that's who I would like to focus the story on

    I would say she took the one off job as she is broke, and the want is to get what’s in her head out so can bargain it for her life and maybe a bit of cash.

    The smuggler being the focus is fine that’s who I would like to focus the story on

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  3. Posted: July 25, 2016In: Action

    To stop the government weaponising a clean energy formula, a rebellious scientist uploads it into her mind and must find a suitable donor for the formula before it fades away forever.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
    Added an answer on July 26, 2016 at 9:34 am

    I need some connective tissue here. How does uploading it stop it from being used? I am guessing it to is a theft. Why is it fading? How is it uploaded? Matrix style plug in the head? The gaps are a little big for me to fill in.

    I need some connective tissue here. How does uploading it stop it from being used? I am guessing it to is a theft.

    Why is it fading?

    How is it uploaded? Matrix style plug in the head?

    The gaps are a little big for me to fill in.

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