1. Posted: October 27, 2015In:

    A widowed father desperately searches for his missing daughter and places his life and those of his friends in danger when they confront a biker gang of her kidnapping.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Is there a flaw you could give the father to get over in the process of saving his daughter? Not necessary in the genre and I believe the plot has all vital elements but it does seem a bit generic so perhaps a unique inner journey could help in that sense. Hope this helps.

    Is there a flaw you could give the father to get over in the process of saving his daughter?

    Not necessary in the genre and I believe the plot has all vital elements but it does seem a bit generic so perhaps a unique inner journey could help in that sense.

    Hope this helps.

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  2. Posted: October 8, 2015In:

    A widowed father desperately searches for his missing child when an unexpected incident with a biker gang puts his life and those of his friends in danger.

    Best Answer
    Amit Penpusher

    Hi Nir, thank you for your time to post?comments and suggestions, it's much appreciated. I have posted?a rework of the logline and would welcome further feedback from you and others on this site. Rgds, Amit.

    Hi Nir, thank you for your time to post?comments and suggestions, it’s much appreciated.

    I have posted?a rework of the logline and would welcome further feedback from you and others on this site.

    Rgds,
    Amit.

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  3. Posted: October 18, 2015In:

    After interrupting a blackmail hand-off in a grimy Scottish pub, American expat Charley finds herself with a bag of cash in one hand and an encrypted USB in the other and is forced to outrun local thugs, a killer-for-hire and the head of a multinational while trying to escape the country.

    sloanpeterson Logliner

    This sounds like it could be a promising comedy but I realize you may have written it as action. ?There is no need to reveal her specific name and you give other minor details that are less important in a log line. ?I would say she is on the run... but from three villains? ?I don't see that working.Read more

    This sounds like it could be a promising comedy but I realize you may have written it as action. ?There is no need to reveal her specific name and you give other minor details that are less important in a log line. ?I would say she is on the run… but from three villains? ?I don’t see that working. ?Maybe she just doesn’t know who to trust? ?Anyway, she finds herself on the run from hopefully just one villain with the USB and the money. ?I hope that points you in a new direction of making it clearer and less wordy.

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