1. Posted: October 3, 2015In:

    In 16th century Japan, the African slave of a Jesuit priest rises to become a samurai in the service of its most powerful warlord, and faces the challenge of a corrupt general who is scheming to topple the warlord and rule in his place.

    dpg Singularity

    Agree about keeping it simple. Focus on the story hook.The hook of the story is not the Jesuist priest. ?And it's not having to fend of a competing, corrupt rival (although that's the central conflict). ?The hook, the sizzle in the concept is that a Black man actually rose from slavery to the rank oRead more

    Agree about keeping it simple. Focus on the story hook.

    The hook of the story is not the Jesuist priest. ?And it’s not having to fend of a competing, corrupt rival (although that’s the central conflict). ?The hook, the sizzle in the concept is that a Black man actually rose from slavery to the rank of a samurai in the closed ?and ethnocentric world of Medieval Japan.

    The rest is window dressing, detail for the script.

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  2. Posted: October 6, 2015In:

    A female bounty hunter who hallucinates slices of the future saves a man?s life in order to collect the bounty on his violent time-travelling future self.

    dpg Singularity

    FFF has a point that high-stake bounties are usually dead or alive. ?All one has to do is produce a body.But if should she have competition, a ?bad-ass male rival, who is determined to just kill him off, deliver a body? ?Somebody else wants to collect on the (future) bounty? ?Then she has a motivatiRead more

    FFF has a point that high-stake bounties are usually dead or alive. ?All one has to do is produce a body.

    But if should she have competition, a ?bad-ass male rival, who is determined to just kill him off, deliver a body? ?Somebody else wants to collect on the (future) bounty? ?Then she has a motivation to “save” him for her own benefit in the future. ?That’s her preferred m.o. in contrast to the bad-ass, deliver them alive.

    Anyway, I like the concept. ?What I like about this logline is that the questions it?raises about problems?(and I have a few) are far exceeded by the questions it raises about possibilities.

    Best wishes for this story.

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  3. Posted: September 30, 2015In:

    In 16th century Japan the African slave of a Jesuit priest rises to become a samurai in the service of its most powerful warlord and faces a corrupt general who plans to topple him.

    dpg Singularity

    I think the sizzle in the script-- the?feature of the script that grabs attention, wets interest?--is the situation.? Based on real events, a Black man become a Samurai in feudal Japan-- wow! That's different, that's unique. In this case,?I?think the plot is secondary in terms of getting the scriptRead more

    I think the sizzle in the script– the?feature of the script that grabs attention, wets interest?–is the situation.? Based on real events, a Black man become a Samurai in feudal Japan– wow! That’s different, that’s unique.

    In this case,?I?think the plot is secondary in terms of getting the script read.? But important when it come to getting the script filmed.

    Maybe something like:

    Based on actual events, in 16th century Japan, an African slave rises to become a samurai?serving a?powerful warlord where he must survive?plots?by jealous rivals to kill him. (31 words)

    Notes:
    “Based on actual events” — because it’s so?incredible that without it, it might be dismissed as fanciful fiction.? The logline needs to convey the message??”Truth is stranger than fiction. This really happened, folks.”

    “A powerful warlord” rather than “its most powerful” –Could go either way, was just looking for the minimum number of words to make the maximum impression.? Good enough to get the point across.

    “Jealous”.? Surely it was not just a matter of the general being corrupt.? Would it not be the case that his motivations were overdetermined and included jealousy?? And?,?would?there not be others who felt the same way?? He? may have been the primary nemesis, but he can’t? have been the only one who was offended by the very notion of an outsider, a Black outsider, being accept?into the ranks as a ?samurai.

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