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A photo safari guide enlists the help of his daughter and her billionaire husband to find an historic treasure near Kilimanjaro. What they find is astonishing, and nearly costs them everything.
This is kinda like a cross between a logline and a tagline. It's incredibly vague and definitely in need of clarity. At what point do they make the discovery of the treasure? If it's at the end of the second act, we need more information about their quest and why it's difficult to find this treasureRead more
This is kinda like a cross between a logline and a tagline. It’s incredibly vague and definitely in need of clarity.
At what point do they make the discovery of the treasure? If it’s at the end of the second act, we need more information about their quest and why it’s difficult to find this treasure. If it’s at the midpoint, we need a clear midpoint reversal in the logline (“but when blah blah blah they must change their goal”). If it’s earlier than the midpoint then it’s likely to be the inciting incident and we need the goal which is set up by this discovery.
Can you give us something more about our protagonist? Why is he a photo safari guide? What relevance does that have to the story? If he’s treasure hunting, surely archeologist makes more sense?
What stands in their way? At the moment, we have something which hints at antagonistic forces but with no solid understanding of who or what these are and no idea what’s really at stake other than “everything”.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen an adventurous lone hunter is lost to the river gorges, chasing a mysterious man or beast known as the Bunyip, his grieving family and friends must pick up the pieces and discover the truth about his disappearance.
Edit: When an adventurous lone hunter, chasing an elusive man or beast, locally known as the Bunyip, is tragically lost to the river gorges, his grieving family and friends must pick up the pieces and discover the truth about his untimely disappearance.
Edit:
See lessWhen an adventurous lone hunter, chasing an elusive man or beast, locally known as the Bunyip, is tragically lost to the river gorges, his grieving family and friends must pick up the pieces and discover the truth about his untimely disappearance.
In a post apocalyptic covid-19 world, a small but violent robot forms a friendship with a human and is entrusted to transfer the only vaccine to the CDC headquarters.
Dig it! Since there's an inherent spoiler - as we are on the verge of receiving a COVID-19 vaccine, I altered it to "disease". Leaning towards: "In a post-apocalyptic world ravaged by disease, a small but violent robot reluctantly sets out on a cross-country journey to deliver an experimental vaccinRead more
Dig it! Since there’s an inherent spoiler – as we are on the verge of receiving a COVID-19 vaccine, I altered it to “disease”.
Leaning towards:
“In a post-apocalyptic world ravaged by disease, a small but violent robot reluctantly sets out on a cross-country journey to deliver an experimental vaccine to CDC headquarters”
Take care.
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