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A princess who kills an important general to rescue another girl must hope her former enemies will accept her after her escape, now wanted dead or alive.
Consider the following: A princess in what land? A worldbuilder can help the reader envision your premise. Can “an important general” be the captain of the guards or royal castle guards – you get the idea. Who is this girl? E.g., a wrongfully accused servant. What is their quest that lands them in aRead more
Consider the following:
A princess in what land? A worldbuilder can help the reader envision your premise.
Can “an important general” be the captain of the guards or royal castle guards – you get the idea.
Who is this girl? E.g., a wrongfully accused servant.
What is their quest that lands them in a rival kingdom?
Hope you find this constructive, take care.
See lessA traditional fiddler crab breaks out of his shell and goes beyond the call of duty to dive into a global climate crisis to save his sister, their slice of the creek, and potentially the world.
There are a lot of words in this logline that don't really tell us anything about the plot or what this story is actually about. Because when you tell us the lead must break out of his shell and go beyond the call of duty... it is like a coach telling reporters the team needs to give 110%, instead oRead more
There are a lot of words in this logline that don’t really tell us anything about the plot or what this story is actually about.
Because when you tell us the lead must break out of his shell and go beyond the call of duty… it is like a coach telling reporters the team needs to give 110%, instead of saying, we need to work on the offensive line and get the running game going.
In order to improve the logline, you should start with what specifically happened to the fiddler crab’s sister. Because what happens to her seems to be what sets the story in motion.
Without knowing what the lead character’s sister needs saving from, makes it difficult to picture the story in our heads.
Then, after you tell us specifically what happened to the lead’s sister, you should tell us what the lead character plans on doing about it. The lead carrying out the plan will be the plot. So telling us the plan will help us visualize the story.
Also by the end of the logline, we should at lead have an idea of what is standing in the lead characters way as well.
Anyway, you obviously have an idea in your head, hope this helped give you an idea on how to put that idea into logline form.
See lessA Self centered rising young artist must put aside his ego when he is forced to compete against his on and off girlfriend, for a record deal with a famous rapper’s upcoming label.
"Self-centred rising young artist" = protagonist "put aside his ego" = main character goal "girlfriend" = villain Art about art is always fun. To write a story about an artist, is to simultaneously be an artist and emphasize with their point of view. It's the epithet like quality of the last sentencRead more
“Self-centred rising young artist” = protagonist
“put aside his ego” = main character goal
“girlfriend” = villain
Art about art is always fun. To write a story about an artist, is to simultaneously be an artist and emphasize with their point of view.
It’s the epithet like quality of the last sentence that left me hanging:
“… for a record deal with a famous rapper’s upcoming label”
To be semantic, perhaps the main character is more specifically a Musician, singer or music industry related profession. Disorientated my initial image of the character (sorry, imagined a painter/artist).
‘Put his ego aside’ is very abstract for a character goal, but ‘win a record deal’ is much more specific. The implied character arch is from self-centered -> through to -> selfless. A virtuous and powerful story structure. But perhaps this might be expressed through the story conflicted? What if the villian were kind, selfless, generous, supportive of others? This would surely go up againist the grain of our protagonist’s character flaw.
Speaking of villains, who is the main villain: girlfriend, or rapper? Not that stories can’t have multiple bad guys, just that usually there is only one main climatic “Boss” character.
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